Monday Question: What Do You Desire?

Many people face this question everyday deciding what do we want to do or how do we want to spend our life. This can be a difficult and perplexing when figuring out what direction our life is headed. Often times we do things we don’t like or feel like we have to do. This can potentially make us miserable and live life on a day to day basis. Without following our desires or dreams it can hold us back from living the life we are destined to live.

Where to Start

I often get asked “I want to go after my dreams and passion but it’s not that simple for me I don’t know how to actually get started”. This can be a conundrum for many of us because just starting can be the most challenging and sometimes overwhelming time. We all know saying what we want to do is easy compared to actually actively trying to achieve it. Most aficionados will tell you that the best way to “get started” is to just start. Often times we get bogged down with the process of starting that we delay actually starting. We all know that for any amount of success we need a plan, but sometimes we need to just start the process then go back and clean up the particulars.

Take Control of Your Life

Many of us want to follow our dreams or passions but seem to never do so. This happens often because we let obstacles such as failure, monetary issues and social/family pressures that influence our lives. These are all justified reasons to claim why we never went after what we really wanted. On the hand if we never follow our heart we might regret it in the future. About a month in a half ago someone express to me “I can’t follow my dreams because that doesn’t make enough money…so I rather do something that is guaranteed to make money”. This statement had me pondering for several weeks, because as we all know money is important to live in today’s society. Then I came to the realization that if we base our lives solely on money we will live a pretty empty and passionless life. We may have a lot of money but deep down we know that we are unhappy. If we choose monetary gain over our heart’s passion.

Final Thoughts

A great philosopher once said “It’s better to have a short life doing what you love than a long life doing what you have to”. This simply means doing what you love will give you the maximum amount of happiness in our lives. This bring up the question what would you do if money wasn’t an option? Comment below & if you liked this post please share!

Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.

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“There’s no elevator to success you have to take the stairs” 

Most of us desire success in one form or another. Some just daydream about it, while some work day and night to make it happen. We live in a society where having money and materialistic things define success. This ideology usually comes from the media, TV and movies portrayal of success to the mass audience. These images can sometimes alter the way we look at success.

However, success can be defined in many different ways some may see it as being able to spend their time free time enjoying the simple things in life. Others may see success in the acquisition of knowledge, growth and understanding.  For me “success” means being able to wake up every day with a smile on my face doing the things that I love i.e. writing and being a positive outlet for as many people as I can. I go into more detail about success in my latest podcast “How Do You Define Success”?

How do you define success? Comment below.

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Copyright ©2017 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.

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When Life Gives You Lemons: What Do You Make?

The expression “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” is used to encourage us when we’re facing adversity in our lives. When you face said adversity in a way you can feel satisfied with, you’re making life a little sweeter. Lemons suggest bitterness (an obstacle or hardship you are facing), while lemonade is sweet and pleasant. Staying positive and figuring out how to solve problems is much more advantageous than allowing yourself to go sour. We all have faced some type of adversity in our lives whether we like it or not. Those lemons (obstacles) in our life can cause us to be overwhelm and confused. But having obstacles are not the end verdict. It is what you do with said lemons that make the difference.

 Dealing with Adversity

When you hear the word adversity, what comes to mind? Whenever you feel yourself getting into adverse situations having a positive reaction can be helpful response. Take the time out to think about your response before you make a hasty decision. First off start by changing your mindset towards the word adversity and how you define this for your life.  If you think of adversity as bad luck or in a negative connotation or simply misfortune. When this these thought start to enter your mind take a moment to take a deep breath, reflect on the situation and maybe even take a calm walk around. Then come back to the adverse situation and rather than feeling down and stuck because of this hardship see it in a positive outlook. Although this better said than done this is a learned practiced which can be learned and implemented into anyone’s life. Overcoming adversity means picking up what is left with yourself, getting it all together again, and readjusting for the next chapter of your life.

Overcoming Obstacles

One of the first steps to overcoming obstacles is— understanding it won’t last forever obtaining this mindset is key.  Keeping a positive perceptive and staying focus on the “bigger picture”.  Looking forward to your future endeavors, goals and the people you want in your life. Overcoming adversity must simply be done not to take you down, but to reveal the greatness that’s already inside you. Many people have dreams for their life, but don’t want to go through all the obstacles to achieve said dream or goal. Even the most driven, dedicated and educated people have trouble taking the necessary action that is requires to withstand fear, humiliation, and discomfort. We’re conditioned from childhood to avoid unpleasant feelings. Nothing stirs those feelings more than taking risks, overcoming adverse situations and achieving a dream. It’s no wonder change can feel so challenging. You may need to ask yourself: What’s really hold holding me back?

 

What Are You Going To Do With The Lemons In Your Life?

As you can see, there are many obstacles a person faces throughout life. It takes self-reflection to determine if they are really going to make lemonade out of their lemons, once you identify your obstacles (lemons), you can then take the necessary steps to overcome them. Remember, your obstacles are not your limitations in life you can achieve your goals and dreams if you truly believe in them. Which of these obstacles have you dealt with in pursuing your dreams?  Let me know in the comment section & if you liked this post please share!

Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.

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Enduring ‘The Grind’

The difficult nature of making changes means that you will likely be putting in effort that will take you far beyond the point at which it is inspiring or fun. This stage is what I like to call “The Grind”, which starts when actions necessary to produce meaningful change become stressful, exhausting ,and tedious. Simply put the grind is daily struggle that a lot of people go through and sometimes can discourage anyone making major changes in their life. Also at this stage your efforts toward change really count. The Grind is what separates those who are able to change from those who are not. Many people who reach this point in the process of change either ease up or give up because change is just too hard. But truly motivated people reach this stage and keep on going. Many self-help gurus, life coaches and motivators will often say that “You have to love The Grind”. I say that, except for a very few extremely motivated people, love isn’t really realistic because there’s not much to love in “The Grind” stage. Loving the grind is rare and how you respond to this stage lies along a continuum. At the other end of the continuum is “I hate The Grind.” If you feel this way, you are not likely to stay motivated to change. I suggest that you neither love nor hate this process simply accept it as part of the deal in striving toward a better you. The Grind may not feel very good, but what does feel good is seeing your efforts pay off with the changes you want. All else being equal, whatever you put into your change efforts is what you will get out of them. A problem I see among many people who say they want to change is an disconnect between their efforts and their goals. People say they really want to change, but their efforts don’t reflect that stated motivation .Ultimately there is a gap between the goals many people have and the effort they are putting into those goals. It’s easy to say that you want to change. It is much more difficult to actually make that happen. If you have this kind of disconnect, you have two choices. You can either lower your goals to match your efforts or you can raise your efforts to match your goals. There is no right choice. But if you’re truly motivated to change, you better make sure you’re doing the work necessary to achieve your goals.Here are four things that can help endure “The Grind”.

  1. How bad do you want it:

Once you figure this step out it is easy to get through “The Grind”. Most people say they want to be successful, but their actions don’t match their words which prove they don’t want it bad enough. Just kinda wanting to change won’t bring you change in any aspect of your life. A quote that really helped me get through this stage is “When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you’ll be successful”.

  1. View mistakes as lessons:

During this process you’re going to make mistakes but use those mistakes a guide to help you achieve your ultimately goal.

  1. Make sacrifices:

So, this is probably the least fun part about turning your dreams or goals into reality. Whether it is giving up your weekends to work on a project or, kicking certain vices to the curb and eliminating distractions. Regardless whatever it is you can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it.

  1. Be consistent:

While the rest of the world is sitting on their sofas watching TV waiting for their dreams to magically appear, achievers are working on their goals achieving their dreams.

Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved

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Online Dating: Good or Bad?

Online dating, once a fringe and stigmatized activity, now billions of people have given online dating a try. The first  online dating site was Match.com, which launched in 1995. E Harmony started in 2000, OkCupid in 2004, and more recently, a wave of mobile people-swiping such as the popular app Tinder. But is this a positive new development or something to be concerned about? Is online dating making the world better and dating more effective, or is something that a person is missing without being able to tell the cliché story how they met on a college campus or at a grocery store? I will share some positive and negatives of online dating if you agree or disagree with me comment below your reason why.

Positives:

1. It’s the lowest of low pressure dating environments:  Unlike meeting someone at a bar, for instance, time is on your side here. You can consult your friends on the perfect opening line. You have time to respond, or choose not to respond at all without risking any awkwardness. You can even throw in an emoji when words are just too much.
2. Weed out the crazy people: You can spot them pretty easily—aggressive, impatient messages, lists of rules about the types of people allowed contacting them, interests that include killing dogs on the weekend. Think about all of the time you can save and all of the locks you won’t have to change.
3. Realizing you’re not alone: Sometimes being single can make you feel like the loneliest person in the world and the thought alone of dating seems like an exhausting chore. But then spend five minutes swiping through singles in your area on Tinder and you realize that not only are you not alone

Negatives:

1. Relationships or Sex?: This is by far the biggest pitfall of online dating. This has become problematic because it has made asking for just “sex” easier online than in person.
2. Catfish: If you are not familiar with this term and want to online date I suggest you Google it. This term was coined after a popular TV show that was on MTV. It basically means someone who pretends to be someone they’re not by creating false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.

 

Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.

Posted in Dating, Love, Relationships | Tagged , , , | 115 Comments

Finding Motivation: Change Your life

First, let’s find out what the importance of motivation exactly is. Simply put, motivation is the reason or reasons a person has for acting or behaving in a particular way. This basically means there is some driving force that pushes you to achieve your goals and go after what you want in life. As long as you have motivation, you can achieve almost anything that you want from life. However, for a lot of people finding motivation is easier said than done. One of the most common traps people fall into is looking for short-cuts to achieve their goals. According to popular opinion to be an expert in any aspect of life have the most time invested in their craft. This same concept of motivation applies to making changes in your life. The reality is that change is difficult because, in all probability, you have been in your current situation for a while and your habits are deeply ingrained in you. So how can you develop motivation in life? If you wish to accomplish a goal be it short-term or long-term in nature.  If you want to change your life for the better here are a few things that you should keep in mind:

 

  1. Focus on one goal at a time:

This should be partnered with the fact that you should make sure that your short-term goals all help in achieving your long-term goals.

  1. Block out any negative influences:

Make sure that you are completely blocking out any negative influences in your life. If you feel that you are being distracted from your goal by a problem which does not seem to go away, ask yourself what you can do to eliminate such a challenge and distraction in your life.

  1. Conquering Your Fears:

We all have hidden fears or anxieties that can keep you from changing are lives. Once you isolate the unknowns and make yourself confident you can start on the path to changing your life.

  1. Get excited:

This sounds easy, but most people don’t think about it if you want to break out of a slump, get yourself excited about a goal.

  1. Think about it daily:

If you think about your goal every day, it is much more likely to become true. A quote I believe to be true is “Thoughts Become Reality”. This simply means that if you keep believing in something and speaking it into existence.

  1. Overcoming problems:

The worst killer of motivation is facing a seemingly small problem that creates endless frustration. Reframe little problems that must be fixed as bigger ones, or they will kill any drive you have.

  1. Develop a successful mindset:

This is a very key component to find motivation once you have a successful mindset you can easily find motivation. I explain this in more detail  in my post Mindset For Success.

 

Copyright ©2016 Jay All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

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How Do People Express Love?

Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings. People express love in a variety of ways. This diversity in love and loving has made expressing and finding love in today’s society a bit complex for some people. Heterosexual love and romance in this new era reflects a change that has been evident in the roles of woman and men since the emergence of the contemporary women’s movement.  Traditional roles may have been characterized by the woman being submissive and passive to her husband. However in today’s society roles have changed in a dramatic way. This change has resulted in a great deal of anxiety and uncertainty as couples try to balance traditional norms with current developments in the absence of clear-cut rules and guidelines. For some, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives, providing a source of deep fulfillment. The ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. A great deal of evidence suggests that the ability to form a stable relationship begins in infancy, in a child’s earliest experiences with its mother and farther. Which the child relies on to meets their needs for food, care, protection, stimulation, and social contact. Those relationships are not destiny, but they appear to establish patterns of relating to others. Failed relationships happen for many reasons, and the failure of a relationship is often a source of great psychological anguish. Most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.  I will explain three reasons why people have a hard time expressing their love.

  1. Fear of Disapproval and Rejection

A lot of people are terrified of rejection and ending up alone that you would rather swallow your feelings and put up with something or someone who really doesn’t make you happy rather than taking the chance of making anyone mad at you.

  1. Low Self-Esteem

You believe that you are not entitled to express your feelings or to ask others for what you want. You think you should always please other people and meet their expectations.

  1. Emotional Perfectionism

You believe that you should not have feelings such as anger, jealousy, depression, or anxiety. You believe that you should always be rational and in control of your emotions this can become a major issue when trying to express love.

 

Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.

Posted in Culture, Marriage, Life, Dating, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , | 38 Comments

Dream Killers & Doubters

Whatever your dreams or aspirations are whether business, home, family, or self-improvement. There always seems to be someone in the way with an opinion on what you’re trying to achieve. I can personally relate because throughout my path in life I have ran across a number of people who either doubted my dreams and aspirations or simply just didn’t believe in them. It is not really surprising that people may even be close to you squash your dreams on a regular basis. You may not have recognized that dream killers are always around with negative vibes, thoughts, cynical words and opinions. After you encounter with “dream killers” you may look in the mirror, asking yourself can you really achieve your dreams or are you making a mistake. Then your mind might begin to be filled with all types of self-doubt and fear. Though sometimes unintentional and often unaware, many times dream killers have no idea the effect they may have on you. So today I would like to share five ways to overcome dream killers and doubters.

  1. Build a strong support system: Although, everyone is not going to support you. Make it a priority to surround yourself with people that believe in you and will be honest with you.
  2. Don’t Listen:This is a very simple concept just don’t listen when people are negative or try to persuade you not to follow your dreams.
  1. Believe in yourself:Having a strong belief in yourself will help you a lot when a dream killers comes (they will come). You won’t be bothered because you know that you will achieve your goals.
  1. Focus on your vision:Instead of letting other people opinions create negative thoughts in your mind.  Stay focus on your vision by starting to accept that we all fail sometimes. Success is inevitable if you keep learning, growing, and believing in yourself.
  1. Don’t tell everyone your dreams:This is vital because you can avoid some doubters by simply not telling them your dreams. This easy said than done because sometimes you never know who is a dream killer until you tell them your dream.

 

Everyone has had a dream at one point in their lives. Do you remember yours? Share it below and comment how you overcame dream killers and doubters in your life.

 

Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved

 

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Networking + Share Your Blog

I just want to take this time to thank everyone who reads, subscribers and shares my site. I appreciate all the support and encouragement.I would love to read everyone’s blog, but I don’t always get a chance to read and follow everyone’s blog.

So today I want to offer a networking opportunity and a chance for all bloggers no matter what niche or experience a chance to gain more traffic. Anyone who wants to gain free traffic can participate. All you have to is comment your blog below & I will follow every blog and actually read your content. So if you’re interested just comment your blog’s URL below. Also If you could share and re-blog this post so we can reach as many bloggers as possible!

Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.

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Love is Blind?

“Love is blind… we all have been played once”

This quote was written by a great philosopher that stated that love is blinding, because it’s hard to see clearly when you’re in love. Many times love is seen as a powerful pleasure or deep pain depending on what side we fall on can change our perception of love.  Love can give us the feeling that even money cannot buy or cause us pain that can seem never ending.  No matter our age or experience love is always a topic that we all are still trying understand and figure out.

‘Love is Blind’

Majority of the time when someone says love is blind they usually mean when we are in midst of deep love and think everything our partner does is right. Many times we tend to be blinded to the behavior or negative traits that differ from our idealized image of the person we are involved with. We often love the idealized object rather than the real one. Are we then blind when we fall in love and when we maintain it?

Clear Eyes

In a large number of cases we tend to fall in love with our ideal version of our partner. Instead of what they really are because often we tend to be in love with idea of being in love. This can cause us not to have clear eyes when it comes to the validity of our relationship. Therefore these illusions are in fact a major part in our view of love.

The complex nature of love and the fact that lovers are often unwilling to face reality, self-deception and mistakes are likely to occur. Have you ever been blinded by love unrelenting light? Comment below & if you liked this post please share!

Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.

Posted in Love, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 97 Comments