Question:
Hello Jay I read your first ask jay and I loved the advice you gave so I wanted to ask you a question. Me and my childhood best friend have known each other for over twenty five years. We have stayed extremely close over the years even though we moved to different parts of our state. Recently I’ve gotten a divorce and have moved back to my hometown. We began to hang out all the time more than we have done in about ten years. At first I guess I brushed it off but I started to notice how she can sometimes be toxic and negative with her opinions on my relationship status and my newly found success in my career. I am torn because I know that I don’t want negativity in my life at the same time I love my friend she has been with me through thick and thin. I know this is not a excuse but she has been going through somethings the last few years and I don’t want to just leave her by herself. I really need your help what should I do.
– Lost & Confused
Answer:
Well let’s go ahead and get down to the nitty-gritty the situation you’ve described is simply a friendship that may not be in your best interest to stay in. You’ve said “I started to notice how she can sometimes be toxic and negative with her opinions on my relationship status and my newly found success in my career”. This is imperative that you actually understand what you’ve said. Basically your friend is being what I like to call a “Negative Nancy” she could be doing this for a plethora of reasons. One she may be unhappy with her own life, two she is jealous or envious of you or three she might have developed this negative outlook while you’ all were not in the same city. Sometimes we don’t realize the impact people in our lives have on us. Associating ourselves with the wrong people can affect our lives in a major way. You also stated that you’ve achieved some new success in your career which is great, but for continued success and growth in any area of our life negativity cannot be tolerated. Now I’m not saying to go ahead and end a twenty plus year friendship, but I would suggest if you haven’t already brought this to her attention. Let her know exactly what is bothering you and how her comments make you feel. This may help resolve the issue, because it is a possibility she doesn’t know her comment are affecting you the way they are. In the end if you communicate your concerns to your friend and the negativity doesn’t stop. I would recommend ending the friendship and moving on.
What are your thoughts have you been in this situation before? Comment below.
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Jay Colby 
Hi five, Jay! Great response! I appreciate this person’s loyalty to the friend, but there’s a season for everything. If she can’t check her negativity for the sake of her friendship, then it could be time to express your gratitude and appreciation for what you had together then move on.
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Thank you and I agree negativity should never be tolerated in relationships or friendships. Especially when we on the road to success and growth. Thanks for reading!
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I completely agree with you Jay! Communication is key in any relationship whether it’s love, family, friends, coworkers, customers, strangers, dogs, cats, any living being haha but it fails, then that should be a big sign of what you’re next steps should be… whether it’s to take a different approach, cutting ties or just giving it some space until she comes around and realizes it which could happen over night or never at all. At least in the end you know that you tried and did your part. ❤️
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Absolutely in any kind of relationship communication is the key even cats and dogs lol. I believe the hardest part in situations like this is actually letting go if we see that the person is continually being toxic. Thank you go reading!
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Communication communication honesty trust and respect!
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Absolutely if we don’t have communication and trust we cannot have a successful relationship.
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Respect n honesty too
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I think you gave her great advice, Jay. Especially pointing out that whatever is going on has more to do with how she feels about herself inside than about anything going on outside of her. Break a leg with the advice column!
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Thank you & yes I agree many times we overthink certain situations. Rather than seeing the simple answer. Thanks for reading!
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Good post! I think that this is a little easier to deal with where it is a friend because if all else fails you can try to start seeing less of them and return the friendship to perhaps more what it used to be…it can be really tough if it is a family member…for me it is my mother in law…she is the most negative person I have ever met and she really saps my energy. I find I have to be quite clever when conversing with her to try not to allow a conversation to drift into open questions that allow a lengthy moan. Some folk are only happy when they aren’t.
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Great insight I agree it would be a more difficult situation if it was a family member. Thanks for sharing!
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TRUE Friends NEVER turn their back on each other. They fight through whatever is going on in their lives. This may be your opportunity to help her through something. The choice is yours, but I wouldn’t want to loose a friendship that has been together for that long without at least trying to fix it. Talk to her and see if there is something you can do.
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Great advice thanks for sharing!
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Yes. I have been in similar situation. When my best friend of 4 years suddenly started questioning all my decisions and she would br jealous for my new found friends.
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but i tried to talk to her. Sort things out. But it didnt work out. I lost her. And now i am planning to give it another shot before the year ends. Should I?
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If you feel like the friendship is worth it & your friend understands how you feel and willing to stop being jealous. Hope this helps and thanks for reading!
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Yes. It will be useful. Thankyou 🙂
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That’s a great response to her answer, Jay! I’m dealing with the same thing with my cousin who only wants to hear from me if something bad is going on in my life. If good is happening in my life, she hates to hear it.
You’re right, you can’t have negativity in your life, especially if you are striving for success. It comes a time in your life when you just have to let the toxic people go. Not worth it.
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Hello Jay! I agree with your response for I have to have tried to work through a friendship. I had a friend who started being really jealous for my other friends that I have became closer with. He thought of it as they were stealing me away when in reality it was not like that. We have talked it through but it just did not resolve anything. Once the friendship ended, I felt so much happier and better with myself knowing that negativity is gone.
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