Ask Jay #3 – Are They Really Friends?


Hey Jay I hope you can hep me with this situation I’ve been going through for the past few months. I have been dating this guy for about three years and never really had any problems. Until a few months ago when he became a little too friendly than I would like with one of his female co-workers. Now at first I wasn’t too alarm about this because he had never given me any reason to think he would cheat or lie to me.  Then over time I started to notice little things he would do and how he wouldn’t act the same when he got home from work. Then I noticed a red flag when every time I ask him about his co-worker and why he spends so much time with her outside of work. He either ignores me or just says we’re just friends then brushes me off and says I’m crazy.I’m not sure if he’s cheating on me with his co-worker or if its all in my head. Now in the past I have been cheated on and this has caused problems in my previous relationships. So do you think I’m in the wrong and crazy or are my suspicion justified. Thank you in advance for your help.

– Anonymous


This was an interesting question that I find a lot of people have trouble with when it comes to relationships. In relationships if we don’t have trust we don’t have anything. Without trust our mind can wonder and all type of thoughts may enter. Now some may say when those thoughts enter it may be intuition, but in this case it sounds like you may still have trust issues from your previous relationships.  But to answer your question I would say your suspicions may be valid, but the only way you will know for sure is to ask. You have to sit down and have a  conversation and let him know exactly how you feel.Once you have this conversation you can decide whether or not you want to stay in this relationship or simply just move on. No matter what you decide without trust no relationship rather it’s platonic or romantic will last. In the end without proper communication in any relationship will struggle to continue.

What are your thoughts have you been in this situation before? Comment below

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Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.

About Jay Colby

Some would categorize me as an entrepreneur, life coach, son, friend and all of the above. I’m just another person trying to find my way in this world. Until recently, I was unsure what my path in this life would consist of. Like many others I was between I know what I want to do but not sure if that’s what I’m supposed to do. I am currently finishing my degree in something that has nothing to do with becoming a writer or entrepreneur so automatically it qualifies me to become one right! Follow me as I go through this journey called life to impact and encourage one person at a time.
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23 Responses to Ask Jay #3 – Are They Really Friends?

  1. PTcontender says:

    When she asks her boyfriend she should say how she feels. She prob feels left out since he has this new friendship and Maybe they can all hang out together (if theyre already hanging out outside of work). If he is not putting any effort in making her feel better about the situation then why should she stay? She should feel like her boyfriend cares about her and respects her enough to set her mind at ease :))

    Liked by 6 people

  2. Max says:

    Instead of brushing you off and saying you are crazy.He should be reasuring you that everything is alright.
    Not here on this this comment to judge but i think i agree with Jay that “a need to talk about this is due!”

    Liked by 7 people

    • Jay Colby says:

      Great insight that’s why commuication is key.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I hate it when they do it! I had an ex who was cheating on me and he used to tell me all the time that I was crazy and was just really insecure. Then my Mother caught him!


      • Max says:

        If you have love in your heart and and a smile on your face you will have joy in your life.We can then live without fear of hurt and rejection.Those who hurt us,decieve us and leave us are the ones who don’t belong in our lives.Let them move…..they were luck to have you for so long!
        Happiness is a state of living your life if you decide you want it!!
        good luck


  3. starmanjones says:

    I like how today is all about what, why, when, where and how- all logic yet acknowledging also our valid feelings. if relationships have the flavor of new with the taste of little things lost and annoyance at the mention- it’s fairly obvious to the one side it’s cooled. it’s over as it was. what do we hope to explore to change this and move forward refreshed in love?: ultimately it’s only time before the offer is recended. it’s not “cheating” and to enter that discussion is begging only for a fight. it’s where do we honey wish to go? romantically new? to approach it like it wasn’t true and or as an alligator…allegation is a great way to only dramatize into reality what usually we least wanted.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. The way out is to set him free… She has to tell him that he can have the other girl in his life if he lovez her n that she would move on. I know its difficult but the hints are indicative of something fishy.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Boo says:

    Ciao Ciao dude. Been here, done this, cost me a FORTUNE to get rid of the R in Mrs. Don’t make the same mistake.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Jane Gerbera says:

    Guys are naturally avoidant of confrontation, may it be about something they did or not. I agree that instead of being passive-aggressive, she should tell him exactly what she feels. If he cares for her the way she thinks he does, then he will find time to acknowledge these concerns.
    I’ve been in that relationship before AND it took a while for me to learn that speaking your mind/feelings will prevent any future paranoia. If she doesn’t trust him, why ? Has he (this present guy) done anything that betrayed this trust ? It’s not fair have him bear the distrust she has based on her previous relationships.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Jay Colby says:

      I agree sometimes guys don’t like conforntation and rather avoid it. Also you made a great point that she shouldn’t let her past relationships interfere with her current one. Thanks for reading & sharing!


  7. Definitely have a sit down talk and really make him hear your feelings. Feelings are not wrong. A good man will do everything in his power to make sure you feel loved. Not crazy. Usually when someone tries to make you feel crazy it’s more than likely them. Just from experience.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Dating for three years??? Hmmm.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Oh Dear.. Would be my response to this young lady. First, you cannot be with someone that you do not trust(first red flag). Second, If a person is afraid of asking the question (are you cheating) then that’s another red flag. you cannot be with someone that you are afraid of.

    This lady has some unresolved issues within herself. She has issues trusting people and she has too much fear in her heart. So, regardless if he’s cheating or not I would advise her to move forward with her life without him and spend some time by herself (being single).

    My response is not saying that the man is not cheating, it’s saying that she needs to work on herself a little longer before jumping into another relationship.

    thanks for posting this. it’s a very interesting post…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jay Colby says:

      I agree with the points you’ve made. We have to fully get over our past relationships before we get in a new one. If not we can find ourselves in this very situation. Thanks for sharing such insightful & logical thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. 5experts says:

    hie Jay Colby
    thanke you for writing tnis owsem article it’s realy tutching
    keep writing

    Liked by 2 people

  11. no face woman says:

    In my experience, your gut instinct is usually correct and if someone isn’t reassuring you and validating your emotions, then you have cause for mistrust there. Without trust – there is no relationship.


  12. exoticnita54 says:

    Love your response jay..

    You are so right about trusting your partner.. and communicating..

    He can’t read her mind.. so she have to let him know about her suspicions..
    And go from there


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