Ask Jay #6 – Friends, Love & Cheating

Question:

So I have a friend that I have known for years and we have a great relationship. Recently she has gotten a engaged to who I thought was great guy. About four months into their engagement I was at the mall when I saw my friend’s finance. When I saw him I waved, but I guess he didn’t see me when I noticed he was with a women. At first all my petty spidey sense started to tingly then I thought maybe it was his sister, cousin or something. Then I saw him grab her on the butt this was alarming and caused my mind to think the worst. I wanted to tell my friend what I saw but I’m not sure if I should, because in the past when similar situations would occur. She would get upset and not believe me even if what I knew was true. So Jay what should I do tell my friend or just keep what I saw to myself?

– Anonymous

Answer:

This is common issue I see in friendships all the time. Before I could give you an answer I would ask you to ask yourself how how much do you value your friendship? This is imperative to know, because if she is your close friend and you value the relationship you should take that into consideration before you decide to tell her or not. Simply put, this is a sticky situation, because if you do tell your friend it could go either two ways she is thankful that you told her or upset and she might think you made the whole thing up. On the other hand if you don’t tell your friend she could marry this guy and he could be a cheater and end up causing more problems down the road. In the end you have to ask yourself honestly if the shoe was on the other foot would you want her to tell you?

What are your thoughts should she tell her friend what she saw?

Submit questions here!

 

Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.

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About Jay Colby

Some would categorize me as an entrepreneur, life coach, son, friend and all of the above. I’m just another person trying to find my way in this world. Until recently, I was unsure what my path in this life would consist of. Like many others I was between I know what I want to do but not sure if that’s what I’m supposed to do. I am currently finishing my degree in something that has nothing to do with becoming a writer or entrepreneur so automatically it qualifies me to become one right! Follow me as I go through this journey called life to impact and encourage one person at a time.
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16 Responses to Ask Jay #6 – Friends, Love & Cheating

  1. u2hearts says:

    Actually what would probably happen if you told is he’d have a complete story WHY he’d be grabbing some girls ass. Unfortunately the bottom line is love messes up the logic in our brain and even if the friend believed you, the fiancé would excuse his way out of it because love is blindness. We don’t always want to see what we know is there.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. piratepatty says:

    One of the great things we have now for those sneaky little cheaters is your Phone! One picture is worth a whole lot of he said/she said. And if you call yourself my friend and don’t tell me about this, well then we are not friends.

    Liked by 6 people

  3. I do not envy you at all. If she finds out, and then finds out you knew and didn’t tell her, it could also end badly. I know I would not want to be the last one to find out. I’d feel worse but either way, there could be consequences for you. While she may no believe you I think honesty is the best policy, I think you should follow your conscience, act in her best interests despite what it could cost you, and not allow this snake to get away with what he did. You know what you saw.

    Like

  4. TipsterPH says:

    If I were the sender, yes I would tell my friend what I saw. I’d tell her that I saw her fiance with another woman at the mall, but she has to firstly confront her fiance about it before making any decision.

    Like

  5. I would go to the cheater and confront him taped and viseoed of course and tell the cheater to tell her himself. and if he refuses or lies making me the bad guy…POOF vid/audio proof! Bam, case closed. Cheaters stink, low self esteem.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. f1helpme says:

    Most friendships rely on honesty. If you have a history of honesty with your friend she should believe you and appreciate your honesty. Now, emotions can sometimes cause a different reaction, especially where relationships are concerned. I think you should really decide if you can live with not telling her. If you see her hurt down the line by this guy will you feel responsible? If you don’t tell will you feel you’ve wronged her and feel guilty? Only you can know what’s best after considering the end result of all your options.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. geminilvr says:

    I’d say something bc I know me and I would regret it if I didnt, especially if down the road it caused her more pain. It could all be just a misunderstanding but it may more than that. Also delivery of how you tell is key, don’t have an emotional accusatory tone when you break the news, let your friend know first and foremost you are telling her this bc you love her and are concerned.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve adopted 3 questions to be answered fully ‘yes’ before I carry on as I’m an experienced 52 yr old red headed (at one time) Aries with Aries in 4 of my houses….you get it, I’ve been through it. 1. Does it need to be said? (this situation, yes.) 2. Does it need to be said now? (not so sure it does but that’s on you) 3. Does it need to be said by me? (not so sure on that either but again it’s up to you). This blog is a perfect situation where you are asking us what you should do. Has your friend asked your opinion and advise and specifically about this fellow. Just saying it actually might be none of your business. Period. He is not committing a crime nor abusing a minor so (can you tell I’m a nurse?) although I do want to help others out in all kinds of situations I have learned to be very careful with family and friends. I suggest you ‘pray’ (ask) the universe to help you answer the above questions. Asking to let you know the right time if ever and when it comes you will know. Do not mentally plan this out girl. Learn that lesson here and now and when your friend faces the upset she will inevitably face with this guy you can say you love her and spent effort to support her and her hearts choices. I know you love your friend and you will make the best choice because you care ….no choice you make will be wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I say be honest and tell her. However, when you tell her, be sure to word it neutrally. Don’t go in accusing him and don’t expect her to dump him. It is her relationship and her decision. Try not to express your opinion because if she decides to stay with him you are automatically enemy number one. Mention it casually and keep it moving.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. jupitermagic says:

    she should tell thats it .

    Liked by 1 person

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