Ask Jay #9 – Trouble in Paradise?

Question:

I have been married for about seven years now and have known my wife for over ten years. Throughout our marriage, we have had our ups and downs, but we’ve always worked it out. Over the last couple of years our arguments have increased and has caused both of us to become distant to one another. I’ve tried to reason with her but it seems like nothing works and she has moved on. I realized this about a year and a half ago, and started to move on myself I moved out the house, got my own place and even met an amazing women. Then as we were finally getting close to finalizing our divorce out of nowhere she tells me she wants to work our marriage out and fix our broken family. Now it’s hard for me to do so, because I’ve caught feelings for someone else and not to mention my wife hurt me so bad in the past that it’s difficult for me to let go. My question is should I forgive my wife and fix my family or move on and enjoy my new found happiness?

– Anonymous

Answer:

This question is quite a conundrum that many couples married or non-married face. You stated that “our arguments have increased and has caused both of us to become distant to one another” this statement suggests you ‘all were not communicating with each other. Which in any relationship will cause problems and could potentially ruin a relationship. You also said you started to move on about a year and half ago which is not a long time but, a sustainable amount of time to make a decision. Whether or not this decision was made, because your wife had ended your relationship is not clear. But what is clear is that you have to weigh your options and take some time to think before you make any rash decisions. In the end, you have to consider if you have really moved on from your wife and you’re ready to close that chapter in your life or do you want to mend your differences with your wife. The choice is truly yours, but just remember no matter what you decide honesty is the best way to go for all parties included in this situation.

What are your thoughts have you ever had trouble communicating in a relationship?

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About Jay Colby

Some would categorize me as an entrepreneur, life coach, son, friend and all of the above. I’m just another person trying to find my way in this world. Until recently, I was unsure what my path in this life would consist of. Like many others I was between I know what I want to do but not sure if that’s what I’m supposed to do. I am currently finishing my degree in something that has nothing to do with becoming a writer or entrepreneur so automatically it qualifies me to become one right! Follow me as I go through this journey called life to impact and encourage one person at a time.
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16 Responses to Ask Jay #9 – Trouble in Paradise?

  1. u2hearts says:

    Why now does the wife want to work it out? Did her relationship fail or maybe realized grass isn’t greener on the other side? Maybe she is jealous you found someone is scared to really loose you? Sorry more questions doesn’t help.

    Liked by 2 people

    • nkdwhtguy says:

      U2hearts: Very valid question. Three weeks after my first wife left me and two teenage girls to be with a younger guy, she came knocking on my door pleading to “work it out.” I was tempted because it was the “comfortable thing to do.” But I said no, and it turned out to be the right decision. But each situation is different.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Remember those vows !!! The grass always looks greener on the other side. Every single relationship will have its up and downs . If you leave your wife and start with someone new you will go through it with that person as well. Relationships are hard and marriage is even harder, why did you fall in love with your wife in the first place? If you guys both want it to work you can make it work. Don’t give up, she’s your wife. You married her for a reason.

    Liked by 4 people

    • dloves2read says:

      I agree. The vows are supposed to be sacred. There are two many people these days who just give up instead of trying everything they can to make it work. I would say to sit back and think about what you were like in the beginning then try to start over getting acquainted again.Also, the Love Dare book is a good tool to use in failing relationships.
      .

      Like

  3. jfwknifton says:

    Yes, I vote for honesty too!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Relations get complicated if one easily quits

    Liked by 1 person

  5. jupitermagic says:

    honesty matters ….
    relations with others go sour when you have no good relation with yourself
    communication is a very important aspect…
    I recommend go for the newfound happiness but once there don’t look back
    like how dolphins are prone instinctively to move away from pain move on …
    and that happens only when you listen to your heart …

    Liked by 1 person

  6. jupitermagic says:

    but the very reason the above question was asked was because the husband had doubts
    which means that the husband’s heart is not sure of his newfound happiness also
    if he was sure , he probably won’t come to ask you this question Jay …

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Anne J. says:

    I once got the most excellent advice about decisions from a friend much older than me (I was about 31 I think and she was 50). She said that if you’re unsure, make a decision and if it feels good then it was the right decision and if not, then it was wrong. And what’s good is we can change our minds. Applying to life in general, it means that “we actually know deep down even what we don’t know”. Going more specific to the question, I will ask another question in response — if indeed you have moved on, why still ask if you can make it work with your wife? As much as we need to be true to others, we need to be true to ourselves, in fact, more so. Ask why the contemplation to make it work; if for the right reasons, go ahead. It could be that the new woman was merely to fill the empty space your wife left. In marriage, we don’t just give up if we can still make it work. Even the much older folks know, if something breaks, we fix it. You see, these days, even when stuff can be fixed, because it’s easier to replace, we take the easy way instead of the road less traveled. 🙂 I wish him the best with his decision.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Honesty. So, so important.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Communication problems in any relationship always happen at some point of the time or the other.
    But the thing is you should maintain good communication always that is the foundation to a strong relationship.
    and the person should once try to rebuild his relation 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Relationships that are perfect just do not exist. I would give the marriage my very utmost effort if I were you…and hope for the same from my partner. I would seek the best counseling available. Think about if giving up on something as important as marriage is really what you want your life to be about…even though you must have been hurt immensely. We have been married 40 years and life is certainly not always roses. However, when I think about when we first met…when I look at pictures…those memories seem like they happened yesterday. And then I think that if you give things a chance…life does turn into many roses.

    Like

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