For many of us finding a suitable work-life balance is already difficult having a 9 to 5, but if we’re pursuing a dream or passion on the side it can seem impossible. Which can sometimes require us to spend our nights, weekends and any free time working towards our ultimate goal. This bring up the age-old question are relationships distractions from achieving our dreams?
Often times people say “you make time for what you really want” which is a true statement in ever since of the word. However, what if your main goal in life is to be successful in whatever you do and a relationship is not on that list. According to social norms if you’re not in a relationship by certain age you may be looked at as a social outcast. Then many people ask themselves “Why should I sacrifice my time or maybe even my career for someone who more than likely will be temporary… like a summer job while you’re in college?”
Love V.S Goals
For many of us love is on the forefront of our mind, we may have goals to be married, have children and build a life with someone. However, some would suggest its more advantageous to build a life for ourselves first in today’s society where relationships come and go. We’ve all met people who were only in our life for a season and were not meant to be around for the long haul. Which may have affected our opinion of love and when it should be pursued. Therefore, finding love can be somewhat daunting in 2017 where many people are afraid of being hurt and left high and dry.
The other day I was having a conversation with one of my colleague when the topic of balancing a relationship and our career aspirations was brought up. One thing he said really stood out to me “I’m too busy going after my goals in life to be in a relationship.” To him, his goals outweighed the possibility of finding someone that could slow his progress down. He contended that a relationship would certainly put him at a disadvantage and could potentially distract him from his ultimate goals.
Now some people view this train of thought as pessimistic and a coping mechanism to protect one’s heart from rejection and potential heartbreak. Which for some of us we’ve went through a few times in our lives. Which affects are willingness to open our hearts to someone new who could potentially cause us the same pain we felt in the past. For this reason, many people are deciding to wait until they’ve reached a certain level of success, before pursuing an intimate relationship.
The Right Relationship
Often times we forget about how much the right person can be an asset to us while pursing our dreams. This person will understand our grind and will not only support our vision, but truly believe in it as if it was their own. Although this person may be difficult to find the energy they bring to our lives is truly irreplaceable. Spending time with the right people will help us thrive in our goals and may even assist in getting to our preferred destination quicker.
There’s no secret that if we’re perfecting our craft we need lots of space to be creative and put time into our dream. This is one the main issues that entrepreneurs, artist and anyone pursing their dreams encounter in their relationships. Thus, being with someone requires lots of attention and time can become problematic. Which causes the end to many relationships, but someone who is truly understanding of our time will understand and provide us with the necessary space we need to create.
However, the wrong relationship can also be damaging and tremendously slow down our pursuit of achieving our goals. From my experience, I’ve been in a relationship where my partner supported me but never truly believed in me. Thus, causing the end of our relationship, but it taught me an important lesson no matter how much someone says they love you. If they can’t truly believe in your vision they’re not the one for you.
Final Thoughts
Chasing a dream can be an exciting, overwhelming and a time-consuming point in our lives. Therefore, adding another person to this equation can seem somewhat of a waste of time and energy. Having time for careless time wasting activities, time to go out and go with the flow without having any time constraints can seem pointless. However, we have to consider that prioritization can afford us with more free time and give us the opportunity to become more productive.
What are your thoughts?
If given an ultimatum in your 20’s between pursuing your dream, which you might not achieve, or staying in a (so far) good relationship, which might not last, what would you choose and why?
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Because I’m an avid believer that you can have it all, my thought process has always been that the right person for me won’t be considered a hindrance to my goals and vice versa. You can always get more accomplished when working with someone else that shares the same vision than going at it alone, not to mention the fact that it makes life more enjoyable. Therefore, the focus should be on the type of person that would best fit your lifestyle versus canceling out the idea of a relationship all together.
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You make a great point finding the right person is key. Thanks sharing your insight!
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Hey Jay – I love what your blog is all about! Keep it up, people need more of this good stuff I think – 730blog.com
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This is interesting…went through a similar situation, honestly I wasn’t getting the attention I wanted but I understood why and I wasn’t bothered. Or rather I knew I couldn’t get the attention I wanted until he reached his goal which was still fine by me because I had goals too and nothing can stop me from achieving them, then he ended it with a voice note practically asking me to look elsewhere. I felt insulted because I wasn’t even looking in the first place when he came into my life, and I thought, if I didn’t mind, why should he decide for me that I minded. Loool. Anyway if I had to choose, I would choose that person and pursue my goals for sure. There’s no perfect partner, there’s two people who understand each other enough to be one, loyal, committed and patient.
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Well of course a person can do both. Married people do it all the time. Most helpful to have a partner who is there to help. Someone to talk to during the good and bad.
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that helped me
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With the right partner absolutely. My husband and I have been together for 12 years but only married for 6 month because I wanted to purse my career goals. He was beyond supportive of that. However, I have seen the opposite side of that with friends and it didn’t work. If both partners are on the same page it is very easy.
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This was a great read, I love to hear so many thoughts on this issue and I have been thinking about this a lot, recently. I now know that it is possible to manage your goals in the right relationship, however looking for the “right” person will or may distract you and that’s why it’s great when the universe or whatever brings that person to you, without stress. That would be awesome indeed #positivethinking
Ash | http://www.theashtreejournal.com
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Focus on your priorities and the right person will adapt to them. I would choose my career because the right person will just fit in, adapt, love you and support you. You won’t have to beg for anything, it’ll come naturally.
I just thought I’d come and thank you for visiting my blog and liking my post. Thanks for a great post 👏 and keep up with the great work 👍😊
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AWESOME! U write Best…
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Thank you!
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MOST WELCOME!
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Interesting topic. It can be difficult to find that one person, who also wish to be there for mutual support of each others goal.
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Hubby and I dated all through college and grad school. I also have a blog, YouTube channel, craft side hustle, and I write. We have a great relationship, and it’s all about balance. I know he likes to do his own thing, so while he’s doing that, I’ll work on my stuff. Win-win.
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Wow Jay. This is certainly a conundrum for sure. The ultimatum part is what makes it tricky. It is so important to follow your goals but sometimes along the way changes happen. Maybe, just maybe one of those changes is someone special enters the picture to enhance not only your goals but theirs too. One thing we’ve learned is the only things you can count on are death and taxes. The rest is in God’s hands so enjoy the ride.
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You’re absolutely right the “right person” will enhance our goals not hinder them. Thanks for reading & sharing your wisdom!
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You are welcome Jay. Keep on with the great blog.
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I agree with the other commenters on this post. If your partner claims that you are a “distraction” from their job or education, then chances are they don’t want to set aside time for you. I always take it upon myself to get my work done because very rarely in a relationship is someone so demanding that you have absolutely no time for them. Mostly you just have to be organized and driven to maintain both.
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Great points. Thanks for sharing and reading!
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Well since I’m a few eons older than you. Have seen people so much in love and then poof – they split up. Why? Too young, not enough money, parents interfere too much, etc, etc, etc.
In this day and age it really depends on what is important to both of you. If you are in your twenties (20’s) your both too young. Lifestyle is a lot different than years ago.
I have a question for those in love – do you LIKE each other? Think about it!!!!
My Mom use to say “love is blind, marriage is an eye opener”. Today you can say “love is blind, marriages, partnerships, consensual people living together is an eye opener”.
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You bring up some valid points. Thanks for sharing!
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Some dreams do come true but life gets in the way something comes up and you have to cope and wonder if the dream will continue.
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That’s true. Thanks for sharing!
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Great read. I feel you can have both. There needs to be a balance to where you both are pursuing your dreams At the same time. You both support and help each other. There shouldn’t be an ultimatum between the two. If I’m standing firm and believing in my spouse then I’d support him and likewise. If I’m not going anywhere in life and am not productive then all I’d do is give ultimatums and be combative about their whereabouts. I’m not choosing because I believe you can have both in life. There just has to be a balance always.
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Absolutely! The right partner will be 100% supportive of you achieving your dreams and goals. Both my boyfriend and I are currently pursuing graduate degrees and I am working on blogging! It is definitely a challenge to find the time, but we both know that it will benefit both of our futures to be achieving our goals and dreams. The key is to grow together and not apart.
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2 become 1. Love makes ya stronger and sharing or journey, is what we are supposed to do. Relationship, friendship, sometimes we all news a helping hand. Or the ability to bless someone else.
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Great insight thanks for sharing!
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You can always reach your goals with the person you love if that is the right one! you can achieve them together!
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Great post. I think it definitely starts with a great foundation and someone who wants to see you happy!.
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You’re right. It takes the right person in your life to ge support for your career goals. My boyfriend and I are both entrepreneurs, and always try to help each other do better.
We pass out each others business cards, keep our ears open for anyone needing each other’s services, and point out the things we see that the other could be doing better.
Scary, but we spend practically 24 hours a day together, working our businesses, together. I am so thankful to have this man in my life!
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This is amazing! Congratulations
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Hi Jay,
This is SUCH an important question to ponder.
Personally, I don’t think it’s possible. I know how I get when I’m with someone I really like and it’s a huge distraction. Right now I’m on work on my business like 14 hours a day – I barely have time to comb to hair. I just don’t think it would be fair to the other person or to my dreams. Yeah, we’re always going to be busy, but I think it’s not wise during the intense incubation period for your hustle.
Then again I’m not saying I would reject love if I met someone, I’m just not seeking it.
Thanks for the reflection,
Nadalie, It’s All You Boo
NEW POST: 12 Easy Ways to Spring Clean Your Mind
ps. love your blog!
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We’re all different and we want different things in life. Each person has its own definition of happiness and success. For some…a career might be their number 1 priority.
For others it’s having a family or a great relationship. And a lot of people would love to have them both 🙂
It’s all about what matters to you. Can you have them both? Absolutely !
It doesn’t matter how long a relationship will last, what matters is to have the right person. You can motivate and inspire each other and reach your goals faster. True, it’s not easy but like I said…it’s all about what matters to you.
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Great insight. It depends on what we deem important.
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I say yes you can. I think it works well when you support one another, share your dreams, share your fears and just remember to keep working on your relationship and know when to step away from business to do so.
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I honestly believe that the right person will support and even help you to accomplish your dreams. If I was in my 20’s I probably would have still chosen a relationship because family is a priority to me. Me accomplishing my dreams for just me and not having anyone to share those accomplishments with would bother me.
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Great post! I believe it is possible to do both under certain circumstances. However, to answer the question you posed I have to say I would follow my dreams. As someone who got married and got divorced before the age of 25 I say that with certainty. We have to be careful when giving up our desires for a person/relationship. People often do the unexpected and when someone wants to leave for whatever reason they really don’t care what you’ve given up in hopes of having a future with them. In addition, giving up something that you have a passion for, and that you’re good at can often breed resentment later in life.
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I think it really depends on the individuals. I think balance is key. Marrying and starting a family too early can defer other aspirations and ultimately cause resentment in relationships. With that said, if both people are equally ambitions and have personal goals of their own, while growing together makes everything possible. Love and goals can co exist.
I’m 40 and I see the end result of too many friends now looking back and wishing they would have done things differently. 40 children and now trying to find the one!
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My dreams for sure… I chose a relationship at the age of 17 instead of my dreams. I was a fresh High School graduate and I was worried about being loved more than my future. I got married and all of that. At 22 I left and I focused on making the most of the time I had. I went for my dreams with no regrets.
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I think a person has to have balance, but I feel that if you meet the right person you can have it all. They will support you and you have to make sure you are doing the same in return for them.
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I definitely agree with the fact that the right relationship can help propel you forward amd can be beneficial to you pursuing your dreams. I also feel like you do still need to have balance with both.
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WOW! This one is tough….I think I would go with love 1st.
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Great read. Finding the right person is the major key. With the right person, anything is possible.
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I think both are worth seeking. If both are meant to be your life will allow for it. The American dream is about pursuing greatness and building a legacy. Neither of those are plausible without chasing your dreams and love.
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I think you can but both parties have to understand that there has to be balance. And if you aren’t willing to compromise then it might be time to move on.
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Interesting. I would say pursuing my dreams. If you are in a relationship and pursuing your dreams your partner should be understanding in that. If I have to choose between my dreams and love then maybe you’re not the one for me. Love should be supportive and encouraging.
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Very true great insight. Thanks for reading.
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This is a powerful concept. Relationships take time to build. They require loads of attention. Its difficult to pursue a goal and maintain a love life. This is because goals are relationships in their own right.
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