Can You Truly Love Someone & Cheat on Them?

Cheating and infidelity usually are the downfall of a healthy monogamous relationship, but does cheating end a relationship?

The age-old question can you truly love someone if you cheat on them? There are so may viewpoints towards this question. Therefore, I did some research and found out a few of interesting facts.

  • According to research studies only about 25% of men and 14% of women cheat in a lifetime.
  • It is estimated that roughly 30% to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage. However, the number one cause of divorce in the U.S is basic incompatibility.
  • In the past, the contention was that men were more likely to cheat than women, but in the past twenty years’ women have become more independent. Which has led to more woman who are willing to step out of their relationship.

Survey

After reading these statistics it made me want to do some more digging on this subject. Therefore, I did two separate surveys via social media and face to face interaction. I received over 400 + answers to the question “Can you truly love someone and cheat on them”? About 60% of people said no you cannot cheat on someone if you truly love them.  25% said you could cheat on someone and truly love them and 15% said you can truly love someone and cheat on them if they cheated first.

What are your thoughts? Do you think if you truly love someone you could cheat on them? Let me know in the comments & if you liked this post please share!

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About Jay Colby

Some would categorize me as an entrepreneur, life coach, son, friend and all of the above. I’m just another person trying to find my way in this world. Until recently, I was unsure what my path in this life would consist of. Like many others I was between I know what I want to do but not sure if that’s what I’m supposed to do. I am currently finishing my degree in something that has nothing to do with becoming a writer or entrepreneur so automatically it qualifies me to become one right! Follow me as I go through this journey called life to impact and encourage one person at a time.
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65 Responses to Can You Truly Love Someone & Cheat on Them?

  1. Charlenekez says:

    Personally, I feel you can love someone and still cheat on them. People think otherwise but believe you me, some situations tie your hands up and push you to do things you didn’t expect to do even in a million years.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Red says:

      100% agree with this! In many situations there is an underlying issue in the relationship which has caused one or both of the partners to cheat. It doesn’t necessarily mean the love has gone. This question I think goes hand in hand with the question: can you love two people at the same time? food for thought I think!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jay Colby says:

      Great insight. Thanks for sharing & sharing!

      Like

  2. renxkyoko says:

    No, you don’t truly love someone if you can cheat on them. That means you don’t care enough if the person you’re supposed to be in love with loses trust in you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Marriage is a committed relationship between your spouse,and God. It’s a promise to love in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, til you die. I’ll be married 8 years in June, I can’t say it’s easy, yes we’ve rocky days, but we talk and solve our problems. Cheating is unacceptable. That’d be an immorality. Cheating is wrong, my husband was cheated on with his previous relationship before we dated, it’s not a nice feeling. I’ve never been cheated on, but it sure like it when I was in previous relationship as well, what the sad thing is neither of them were truthful about it. Some claim it never happened, when they’ve a bf/gf in less than a week. Hard to trust people if you’ve been cheated on. If you truly love someone why cheat? It’s not worth the pain or loss.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. joliesattic says:

    I don’t think I could stay in a relationship if I cheated on my husband. I would be too overwhelmed with guilt and like I sullied our relationship. I have taken a man back after he cheated, but he did it again and again, so we finally divorced. I could forgive one instance of being stupid, vulnerable or whatever, but not a consistent trail. I think I’m worth more than that and being faithful to one person shows I value them as well. I’m from an older generation though. I’ve known younger people going through a rough patch spreading their wings and then settling down again. If they can do it, more power to them, I guess. But, it’s not a consistent behavior. There’s a difference.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Doug (FindingPoliticalSanity.com) says:

    Since I tend to be more a humanist I would submit your question assumes we all define love in the same way… which we do not. Even two newlyweds involved in all the romance and joint compassion for each other will define love differently.. which then goes on to define the reasons and goals for being married as being totally different for two people, regardless of their self-definitions of what love truly is to them. Many contemporary single men and women will define sex as being separate from true love; after all, for many of us sex in a dating relationship helps us to understand if the “love chemistry” is right for a deeper relationship that may lead to marriage. The paradox is that once there is a marriage we are simply supposed to now switch gears and view sex as less of an enjoyable encounter with another human being and make it more a measure of love itself toward each other, and some physical commitment to each other.
    To answer your question, yes, sex and love can be different.. but they can also mean the same. We are complex people.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Wonderful

    ….
    Thanks a lot Jay …that U liked my post…
    U r an awesome blogger

    Liked by 2 people

  7. updownflight says:

    Hi Jay. I do think it is possible to cheat on a beloved spouse even though you love them. I’ll speak as a person with bipolar disorder, who has experienced hypomania and mania. When hypomanic and manic perceived love and desire can sometimes be felt for almost everything and everyone around you. That’s part of bipolar hypersexuality. That sometimes leads manic or hypomanic people cheating on their beloved spouse. Sometimes if you add alcohol or drugs into the mix one’s ability to control misguided impulses is even made worse.

    I also believe that one can love more than one person at the same time. Loving another, need not mean you stop loving your spouse.

    I don’t think you have to have bipolar disorder to have hypersexuality or love more than one person at the same time, but it is just more common in people with bipolar disorder. And not all people with bipolar disorder desire to have affairs with people other than their spouse. It’s not a mandatory symptom of the disorder.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. jfwknifton says:

    No…because a good marriage depends on trust and cheating on them will destroy that trust sooner or later.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Maya Moore says:

    You can love someone and still cheat on them, it’s called being selfish. And humans are selfish by nature. This does not make it ok but basically when ppl cheat they are looking to fulfill their own selfish desires.
    Now on the flip side of that there are ppl who never cheat but are selfish in other ways towards their partner. But they could very well still love them in their own way. Human love isn’t perfect.
    These stats are helpful. Thanks!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. u2hearts says:

    Personally I don’t think you can truly love a person and cheat on them. If your cheating it is usually because something is lacking in the relationship. The lack is there because somewhere communication is lost. How could you love when you can’t communicate your truth? Cheating is a disrespectful smack in the face to the person you “love” would you really want to hurt someone you truly love like that?

    Liked by 4 people

    • But then that brings up the conversation of…why aren’t you guys communicating? We’ve spoken to several third parties where in these cases their wives are sick or aren’t interested in talking/spending time/having sex…and put their spouses in uncompromising positions. Then the questiom becomes who fell out of love first? I find that if there is a cheater in a relationship, not all the time, but some…that both parties have some part to uphold in the cheater’s actions. Yes, the cheating is disrespectful…no doubt. But if you dessimated the relationship by closing yourself off or not being an equally contributing partner, how could you blame the cheater for not really loving you when you lacked the love to meet them halfway? (Again, in some cases…not all.)

      Like

  11. Never if you truly love them you can’t

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Gosh these are sad stats. I wonder how many when interviewed 2 – 5 years later regret the infidelity? Relationships are hard work but I sure do believe they are worth every ounce of energy. I feel for the individuals that go through the difficulties of a bad relationship.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. K E Garland says:

    I think you can love someone and cheat on them. The question is, can you love yourself and cheat on someone because really it’s a question about authenticity and betrayal, which first begins with yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jay Colby says:

      Great question it all start from within. Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

    • da AL says:

      so well said, K E!
      I think also depends on whether ‘love’ is noun or active verb – meaning, “I love them, yet the devil is here so I’ll follow them” – or, “I love them, & want to activitely be loving to them by respecting them as well as their love for me.” certainly the 2nd example is more about real love than the 1st

      Liked by 1 person

  14. jrusoloward says:

    If you love a person, you avoid hurting them, lying to them, and betraying their trust. When I married my husband almost 21 years ago, I took a vow before God, my family, and friends; I take that vow seriously. If a person claims to love someone and betrays them, they need to do some soul searching.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. followmygut2014 says:

    Hmm, interesting subject. I think if you cheat on someone you can love them but whatever is taking you away from your love to be with someone else is more important to you. Maybe you just love them less at the time or your fighting or there’s stress on the relationship. It’s definitely a selfish act on the person who’s cheating. I’m glad you explored this a bit too!

    Danielle | FollowMyGut.com ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  16. karlapitzen says:

    Another person said that it depends on the definition of love. I had a related thought before reading the comment. Love is not just a feeling. It’s a choice to continue to love someone, especially on the days when you don’t feel like it. It’s also a choice to cheat, and/or to put yourself in situations where cheating is possible or easy. If you’re choosing to love someone, choosing to cheat on them seems like a contradiction to me.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. RUCHI says:

    Yes, you can. A man by nature is not monogamous. Even though you may truly love someone, yet at times, there may be temptations where you could not stop yourself. But, if a person truly loves someone, deep down, he/she will realize the wrong and ty to amend.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. elynjay1 says:

    You can’t truly love someone and cheat on them… The thought of you wanting to engage with someone else won’t even pop up… You care for them enough to be stay and never cheat….

    Liked by 2 people

  19. pratibhadahiya7 says:

    Those 25% don’t know about true love. And the left 15% don’t know that if someone loves truly he/she “ll never hurts his/her partner even the partner tried cheat. Because to cheat someone is itself an opposite of love. If there is cheat then there is no love. Personally, I am far away from cheat because it looses our character not of the partner.

    Liked by 3 people

  20. geminilvr says:

    This is a tough one. I personally don’t tolerate cheating if you are in a monogamous relationship. You should respect your partner and your relationship and be honest with yourself about why you want to cheat. If you truly love and care for someone you will protect their heart not crush it.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. Yes, it is possible to love someone and cheat on them. It’s butt backwards, but a lot of factors come into play. From his book, the Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman explains that even people who are married that start giving small love “deposits” into people at work, school, etc. via being a shoulder to cry on or just being friendly on a consistent basis, can build these strong love relationships with more than one person. It’s because they’ve been unknowingly investing in that person over time…love being masked by friendliness until an opportunity arises (argument with spouse, an alcohol fueled night on the town turns into sweet accidental kisses). I understand that it appears that the person isn’t in love with you because of the infidelity, however, the cheater could easily pop on the defensive and wonder is your love strong and unconditional enough to surpass an infarction like infidelity? Does one cheating incident kill a relationship? If so, they may ask was it strong enough to withstand even larger troubles like a layoffs, sickness, loss of home, etc. That’s not to say one should stay in a relationship they’re not comfortable with, but it does uncover different perspectives about an otherwise touchy subject.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Very interesting topic. I think, it is all about respect, both for yourself and for your partner. If I love the respect for my partner, there are nothing left and from there, it doesn’t feel like cheating, because the relationship is dead anyway. Maybe tough to say, but I think, that in true love live the needed respect for your partner, which should be a mutual respect in a fair relationship among adult people. So what is necessary must be to keep that mutual respect alive all the time, we stay in that relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. colonialist says:

    If you love somebody and cheat on them then, very simply, you are unworthy of their love back and they should dump you forthwith no matter if it hurts them to do so. No second chances.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I think with Cheaters it’s about the fact that they do not know how to love. It has nothing to do with the other person. “You don’t hurt people you love.” Some say it’s because of bad things happening in the relationship. But, if the relationship is bad it’s time to go, not to cheat. You have to love yourself enough to go when in bad relationships and to love others without hurting them. Most important is to be accepting of love when in good relationships. No matter how you look at it cheaters are broken and have some healing to do on their own.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Tikeetha T says:

    I’m going to say yes. I’ve heard so many men say that for them sex is physical and that cheating is more about sex and not about the intimacy they share with the ones that they love. I call that BS but I respect everyone’s opinion. That being said, women may cheat on someone they love deeply because the sex is whack. I think the question should start with “How do you know you are in love with someone?”

    Liked by 1 person

  26. chocomaggie says:

    It is a very subjective question. If your partner’s cheating is one time mistake, u might wanna give your relationship a chance but if he has done it multiple times then it’s not worth it ! But then it all depends on an individual. It all boils down to wether “you” can continue loving n trusting your cheating partner?!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I think it’s more of a trust issue. To each his own, I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. pam says:

    I’d say not if I was the one who cheated and yes if my partner did, I prefer to let him go.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Although I don’t think I could feel good about it. Love and sex are two different things. Sex is just a natural reaction to stimulus, so I think its possible.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. themomnoms says:

    This is a really interesting topic. I do think that you can truly love someone and cheat on them. Love and carnal need for sex are two different things. I think there is a physical and emotional difference.
    But that’s just my opinion.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. I think that if you truly love someone then cheating shouldn’t even happen.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. if you truly love someone you don’t need to cheat or find another if you love your partner you need to respect each other

    Liked by 1 person

  33. agentizerozerosetter says:

    No, if you truly love someone you can’t cheat with! Love is based also on believing on your partner, for me this is important!

    Liked by 1 person

  34. I think you can love someone and cheat on them but I also think you cannot value your relationship if you do so. I’ve been in a relationship for years and I always have to ask myself, is this worth my relationship? And the answer has always been, “No.”

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Carolyn says:

    Interesting stats. I believe that if you are willing to cheat on someone you supposedly love, then you are not truly in love. You should have respect for and be loyal to your partner and cheating is none of these.
    Great post, thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  36. I really don’t know the answer to this question but for me, when I’m in a relationship, I don’t put myself in any situation where I’d even want to cheat. I guess different strokes for different folks though.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. June Rostad says:

    If you cannot just tell them outright that you are having sex with someone else (e.g. not cheating on them because they consent to an alternative relationship), then you are trying to justify your cheating. If you truly love someone, then you do not want to hurt or betray them. More importantly, you wouldn’t want to hurt or betray yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Interest read. I think if you truly love someone, he or she will not cheat on his or her partner. If that person truly loves his or her partner, he or she will put the partner’s feelings and their relationship before him or herself.
    XOXO // Check out my latest post if you like 😉
    SINCERELY OPHELIA | TREND ALERT: Off the Shoulder Tops Galore

    Like

  39. Angie@chasingmyhalo says:

    What a loaded question. I had an ex who had numerous affairs and struggled with addiction in that area. Till the end he swore that he loved me. But it wasn’t enough if that was true.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Doug (FindingPoliticalSanity.com) says:

    Hey, Jay.. you have interesting data here on gender-based responses to your query. While not absolute in all cases, it seems the girls generally see a love and sex commitment as a black & white issue (no, not racial), essentially “if you cheat you’re a lying cheating bastard” thing…. and guys see more of a grey, “Yes, there’s a distinct difference between love and sex”. Now.. it’s VERY easy to assign some sort of blame one way or the other. Women “tend” to assign wayward sex by a partner as an act of relationship treason… yet they “tend” to not give sex inside a long-term relationship the same level of importance on the measurement scale (in other words, “Is sex important in a relationship and if so how much importance?”.

    Men, on the other hand, are generally more inclined to define sex and love as separate issues. I might submit here the true culprit in this disparity is our inability to communicate between the genders when trying to establish a relationship. Girl meets guy.. guy meets girl. Right off the bat there’s a disparity… the guy values sex higher on his agenda than the girl. The girl is measuring the guy up for marriage and a family. Translation… commitment is not the top of the list at that moment for the guy, but for a woman, that’s higher on her list. Now, before everyone starts replying that not everyone “thinks” or “feels” that way.. what I am saying is this is all a general trend and if one truly wants to understand human relationships and courtship one has to first start understanding how humans are programmed.
    For example, how many women on a first date are actually thinking, “Well, this guy by nature wants to have sex with me or we’d not be here right now. I’m looking for a guy for a lifetime commitment relationship, along with some great sex or I’d not be here right now.” Guys would be asking the inverse of that in this example. Along the way the concept of love can begin to form,, but love holds a different meaning for guys and gals.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. Elizabeth O says:

    Sadly, people do all the time. Call it temptation or a need to push their partner out. Self sabotage is real.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. 1stclassrvadventures says:

    I believe if it’s a healthy relationship with genuine love no you can’t cheat on your spouse. There would have to be an underlying issue to cause someone to cheat. I have lived through this on both sides in the past as the cheater and the being cheated on.

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Hope says:

    True love – NO! So, so love – YES!

    Liked by 1 person

  44. stephanieehmke says:

    Those are some really interesting statistics! I’ve never really thought about this in depth but I think it would be tough to cheat on someone if you are in love with them and feel a real connection to them.
    -Stephanie | http://www.nudelipdiaries.com

    Like

  45. Wineldo Jean says:

    If you truely love someone, then there is no need to cheat on them. There would be no motivtions to chase after another person if you love him/her.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Ana Ojha says:

    I feel that honesty is the main foundation of any relationship. You need to trust and be truthful to the one you love and care in your life!

    Liked by 1 person

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