Ask Jay #12 – Are There Any Good Women Left?

Question:

Jay I have been in and out of relationships since I was 17 years old. I am older now and still confused about my relationships with women and having a good work-life balance. I am self-employed and work about 60-70 hours a week. I have dedicated my life to building my business letting go of relationships, family and friends who I felt like were holding me back from my success. Over the years I forgot about love now I’m 32 and want to start dating again. I have no kids and no real commitments other than my business. But all the women I’m meeting in my age bracket or a little younger have kids or crazy ex husbands or boyfriends. I’m not sure if it’s something wrong with me for not willing to deal with this type of thing. My question to you is how can I meet someone who’s attractive career driven, honest and doesn’t have any kids or do women like this even exist anymore?

– Anonymous

Answer:

This is an interesting question I’ve noticed both men and women have trouble with this same thing. Many people become so career focused they totally forget about their love life. However, it is never too late to find a meaningful loving relationship. I do understand some of the challenges you’re facing are common, but I have to ask have you ever tried other methods of dating other than the traditional forms. There are many ways to meet people from online dating, social media, going to network events or even the grocery store. I’ve noticed many people put their selves in a bubble thinking things have to be one way, but if that was the case there would be one size shoe for every foot.

Now you stated that “all the women I’m meeting in my age bracket or a little younger have kids or crazy ex husbands or boyfriends.” I have to wonder what type of women you’re attracting that you’ve come across these issues. One thing you should consider that many of us go through is what I like to call “the mirror game”. This is when we take a step back and look at ourselves in the mirror and consider what is it about me that I keep attracting this kind of person. I remember a great philosopher once said “If everyone you seem to attract is unmotivated, boring, unattractive… it’s not what’s wrong with them it’s you because you keep attracting this type of energy.”

Often times we attract who we are so you should take a deeper look at your life and consider what changes if any should you make to improve yourself. Then reflect on your standards and determine if they’re something you can compromise on and if not are they a need or a want. These things should always be considered when you’re looking to date someone. Now the issue with dating a woman with kids is a personal choice and many of us can understand why or why not you wouldn’t like dating a woman with kids. But as I’m sure you know no one is perfect so never say never.

Finding someone in 2017 can be tough but there’s over 7 billion people in the world and 3.5 billion are women. So, don’t give up on finding someone you truly connect with and can possibly build a beautiful relationship with.

What are your thoughts are there any quality people to date in 2017?

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About Jay Colby

Some would categorize me as an entrepreneur, life coach, son, friend and all of the above. I’m just another person trying to find my way in this world. Until recently, I was unsure what my path in this life would consist of. Like many others I was between I know what I want to do but not sure if that’s what I’m supposed to do. I am currently finishing my degree in something that has nothing to do with becoming a writer or entrepreneur so automatically it qualifies me to become one right! Follow me as I go through this journey called life to impact and encourage one person at a time.
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20 Responses to Ask Jay #12 – Are There Any Good Women Left?

  1. Great post Jay. Yes there are so many good women out there waiting for good men. And during the wait we are becoming that “good’ person and when the wait is over we’ll be that good person… man or woman.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. jfwknifton says:

    A good relationship should help you in your working life if you have the right person!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dave says:

    Great Q&A,
    I agree with you Jay, you attract who you are – The Law of attraction and all that.

    Dave 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. admcmasters says:

    A friend of mine wanted to know where to meet a sweet, caring, loving, unselfish person who liked to put others first, loved humanity and was willing to live wherever my friend’s work took him. I told him to start attending church because there are more of this kind of women there than anywhere else he could look. So, I’m going to advise your friend to make a list of the attributes he wants to find in a mate and then look around to see where women with those particular ones congregate and start going there. Are you a reader? Join a book club or visit bookstores a lot. In other words, look in logical places for that elusive person.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Jay Colby says:

      This is some great & sound advice. Thank for reading & sharing!

      Like

    • Ms Mollah says:

      I read this and as a marketer professionally what came to mind is positioning. You are a brand and every brand has a target market. Once you zero in on who your target audience is (list of attributes you’re looking for in a mate), the next step is to find out where they are; where and what they spend their time in and strategically position yourself in those places! And while dating, you need to have an open mind; don’t be too quick to judge or write someone off! Some of my best relationships happened with men who were single parents or co-parenting with an ex; it truly is about the individual and what you can deal with as a person; just don’t look for perfection!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. K E Garland says:

    Good advice Jay! People rarely want to look at themselves first before “blaming” others for shortcomings.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. joliesattic says:

    You can’t be in a hurry. If you are even remotely out door-sy, check out groups with people of similar interests. I suggest out doorsy because most women in these groups are unattached. My niece is getting married now at the age of 38. She did not have children and her husband is about the same age. Both were career driven and met online, I believe. They dated a few times and hit it off. At about anonymous’ age she went through a period where she wasn’t sure if there was anyone for her, but it’s timing. And yes, I agree, we often attract what we don’t want because that’s our focus or obsession. As for a child… So, they have a child, is that the end of the world? However if you do not want to be a parent then for sure, don’t do it. There’s nothing worse than to marry a guy who will not attempt to parent my child. I ran across that a time of two. Some were totally disinterested others tyrannical so I dropped them. A fatherless child does not need that and a woman doesn’t want to be refereeing a husband and child. No, No, No, so you are wise to at least see that as your downfall. Few men have no trouble with that and some kids make it easy for them to accept and do well by them. There’s a lot to consider there. Most dating sites allow you to be very specific of what your needs are, so it’s a lot easier for people like anonymous to find someone without putting forth the usual effort people had to in the past. Honesty is the best policy. You may sound like a jerk to some women, but not to all.
    I worked at a clinic once and was shocked at the most unlikely partnering combinations that would come in, so I know there is always going to be someone out there for someone else.

    Like

  7. Hope says:

    Yes!!!!😉☺😊😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I agree! It sounds like your reader might want to work on being a man that deserves this good woman who speaks about. Great advice!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. kage2015 says:

    I understand people are waiting later in life to get married and start a family. Seems they are spending so much time finding themselves, not wanting to commit because it is all about them and why should they care or worry about someone else. Seems like values have become turned around.

    Like

  10. Sir_Phren says:

    Nice one Jay!
    The thing is, we don’t have to think that way. The problem is not one dating the wrong person. The problem is one having that kind of thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. mraine33 says:

    The thing a person like the subject of this post needs to remember also is that the other person is going to have wants and needs as well. If he is working 60-70 hours a week, it sounds like he needs to find someone who is equally ambitious in her work endeavors. Is it really a relationship he wants, or someone to hang out with in his free time? If he is working 60-70 hours and his partner is only working 40, she is going to have a lot of extra free time. He either needs to find someone who works equally as much, or doesn’t mind not having her man around a lot. If he finds someone who works as much as he does, he might find that their free time doesn’t coincide all the time, and she won’t be there when he is free. I think it is important to consider too what kind of relationship you want and why. Does he want to get into a relationship because he wants children in his future? Is he going to be willing to cut back on work to co-parent if that becomes the case? Or should he look for a woman who wants a provider and she is willing to spend more time with the kids? Is he just looking for someone to hit the town with on weekends? Maybe he doesn’t need a “relationship” so to speak, but more of a friends with benefits situation. These are all things to consider. It’s a distinct possibility that the people he is attracting just see that he works a lot and are interested in his money and his drive, but not in having a compatible life. Sounds like his business is very important to him. Maybe it would be a good idea to join a small business organization or something where he could meet someone with a similar lifestyle and similar interests (i.e. a female business owner who has also been too busy for love and hasn’t had any kids or very many exes). This could be good for his professional and personal life.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Awesome post, Jay. I’m 25 and single. I’ve had one girlfriend and that was nearly five years ago. Since then I’ve devoted my time to what’s best for me. I’m in no rush to get into a relationship, but the type I want is where both partners build off one another and grow. A God loving woman would be a plus so I don’t have to be worry about being unequally yoked. Lately I’ve wondered if I should try out online dating. The only thing that’s kept me from trying it is the whole catfish fiasco; people not being who they say they are.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I love the mirroring concept because we get so stuck at evaluating others, we don’t take the time to recognize our current issues that may be repelling the ones we want. It’s funny at times to see these requests because we want to just take the men who say this and the women who say this and see how it goes. We’re not living under a rock, or hiding in space…sometimes we’re doing exactly what you are. Working, shopping, making a living for ourselves, establishing a future. And if you find yourself attracting the same women, consider going outside of your comfort zone or regular hot spots to explore your options.

    Liked by 1 person

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