4 Things Your Parents Never Told You About Relationships

As we grew up many of our parents had hopes and dreams for our lives. Many of them hoped we’d go to college, start a successful career and one day find that special someone.  They often offered their advice on how to date, what standards/expectations to have and where to meet someone.

9 times out 10 when we were growing up our parents had great intentions when they gave us dating advice. However, since our parents view us as their “baby, princess, prince” they often times didn’t tell us the butt ugly truth about relationships. They might have fail to mention the breakups, heartbreak, compromise and pain that relationships can bring. Here are 5 things your parents might have forgot to tell you about relationships.

 

  1. Your relationship might (probably won’t) turn out like your parents’ relationship – Often times our parents may have been married for 30 + years and gives us the false sense of security that our relationships will end up the same. According to research that studied young adult romantic relationships and the role of parents’ marital problems on their children’s relationships. They found that if the parents experienced marital conflict problems, then they could predict that their children would have conflict problems in their own relationships as young adults. The important advice that some parents fail to tell their kids is to look at whether or not your parents were able to communicate effectively and resolve problems without fighting. Seeing our parents argue and a lot dysfunction in their relationship can cause kids to repeat these same problems in their adult relationship.

 

  1. You don’t have to settle for just anybody to avoid being lonely – Many times, as we were growing our parents might have told us “don’t worry about getting in a serious relationship now… just focus on school… you’ll have plenty of time for that once you’re an adult.” This advice quickly changes once we reach the age of 25 + or in some cases 22 and up. When some parents start to worry will we ever settle down with someone and give them grandchildren. The piece of advice they may not give is that you don’t have to live up to the expectations they have set for your life. You have to true to the person you’re not the person they want you to be.

 

  1. A successful relationship doesn’t have to lead to marriage – Often time once we reach a certain age and are in a relationship we’re encouraged to get married. Which if often pressured by our parents, friends and other family members who’re following the societal norm of being married by a certain age having kids and living the American dream. However, marriage might not be your ideal relationship that makes you truly happy or maybe you’re simply not ready for such a huge commitment.

 

  1. Having kids doesn’t have to be a goal either – Not everyone is suited for parenting, and not everyone wants to be a parent anyway. There is no reason that you should let your parents’ expectation dictate whether you add to the next generation or not. Of course, they will tell you that they’d love to spoil their grandchildren, and that raising you was easy and a constant source of joy, but where will they be at 3 am when you’re exhausted and need to sleep before you get up in three hours for work and their darling grandchild just threw up? That’s another piece of advice that your parents won’t give you; when it comes to raising their grandchildren, you’re on your own.

 

What is something you’ve learned about relationships that no one ever told you about? Comment below & if you enjoyed this article please share!

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Some would categorize me as an entrepreneur, life coach, son, friend and all of the above. I’m just another person trying to find my way in this world. Until recently, I was unsure what my path in this life would consist of. Like many others I was between I know what I want to do but not sure if that’s what I’m supposed to do. I am currently finishing my degree in something that has nothing to do with becoming a writer or entrepreneur so automatically it qualifies me to become one right! Follow me as I go through this journey called life to impact and encourage one person at a time.
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61 Responses to 4 Things Your Parents Never Told You About Relationships

  1. When people violate our expectations, it’s nothing to freak out about. Most of the time they are not doing so to hurt us, they just don’t know any better. People are always doing the best they can at any given time. If people always remember this, especially in interpersonal conflict situations, I think there would be a lot more positive resolutions to the same.
    Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Things Parents Never Told You About Relationships – The Militant Negro™

  3. jfwknifton says:

    You are wise beyond your years, Jay! Let’s hope young people take some notice.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Anki Bhoye says:

    I do believe the bond and love between two people makes any relationship successful. So if you like being with someone, just be with irrespective of what the society has to say. Love and care for someone is way more important than any relationship tag, so love carefree 🤘

    Liked by 1 person

  5. something we parents often don’t say: We don’t really understand relationships either. We just hope your’s turns out better than our’s.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. mimionlife says:

    My husband and I have been married for over 38 years. We have learned through the years that it is best to pray before we speak. Listening is sometimes the best thing to do. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Marriage is a give and take, a compromise. There needs to be a balance between both.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. admcmasters says:

    It wasn’t until I became elderly and looked back that I could see that the best advice I ever got came from Grandmother, Mom, and my Sunday School teacher, Mrs. Valentine. That advice? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. When I treated people nicely they didn’t always treat me well in return, but they did more often than not. I noticed other people who treated people with neglect or downright hatefulness, got a lot of that kind of treatment in return. Yes indeedy, the Bible is still true!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: 4 Things Your Parents Never Told You About Relationships | Lady Dyanna

  10. 91coffeegirl says:

    Very true, especially the kids part 😄 not everyone can be a parent it needs a lot of commitment and responsibility !

    Liked by 1 person

  11. justastar100billion says:

    Yes, I completely agree with number 4.
    I think right now, more than ever in the past 50 years or so, having children may be out of reach for some. With health insurance not covering things like maternity and female reproduction care, and pre-existing conditions coupled with the increase in college tuition, and the decrease in college degree worth, there are a lot of people who, due to the debt they are in, the lack of family support, and the increase in standard of living, that raising a children is not a feasible option. Unless you want to be on the brink of bankruptcy for the first half of your child’s life and hope to god they are smart enough to get a full ride to into a bachelor’s program, it could fail so horribly and quickly. I grew up in a family where my father couldn’t afford my sister and me, he divorced my mom and us, the kids, were left to be raised by grandma and grandpa. Which sounds fun, but on average kids raised by their grandparents don’t fend emotionally as well as their peers who are raised by their parents. I could write a full-length thesis on this, so I will stop here. lol

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Monica says:

    I never realized that as we change as people over a long period of time in a relationship that it presents challenges. If the relationship is to last, we must be adaptable and patient. Great article!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Kaycee says:

    Beautifully written. Nigeria parents need to see this

    Liked by 1 person

  14. abhiray59 says:

    I like your point every successful relationship does not need to end in marriage. I think marriage is like trying to have a thing that you like forever with you. Once the freedom is lost, many feel suffocated and want to leave.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hi!
    What I’ve learnt about relationship it’s that you have to be willing to accept that sometimes things aren’t going to be as you have planned and you have to improvise in order to overcome a problem that will accept your relationship at the end. In other words, it’s how to cope with this minor issue that will show your partner that you care for the relationship as well.
    Best regards.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. jrusoloward says:

    Don’t form any opinions on what makes a perfect mate because you’ll just end up disappointed. Checking off points on a list is less important that finding someone whose imperfections you find endearing – and they find yours cute, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. robin rue says:

    Each relationship is different, but things have evolved and most definitely aren’t like they were in the old days. This is a great article.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. makeamomsmile says:

    So true. I hate when people ask other people when are you having kids? Maybe they just don’t want to, I make sure to never ask and the same thing with When are you getting married. As long as you are happy and content I don’t think everyone else’s standards should matter

    Liked by 1 person

  19. thehouseturnedhome says:

    Interesting post. I do agree though that every relationship is different and only you can choose the kind of relationship that you want to be in.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Leah says:

    I agree wholeheartedly with this!! I’ve been with my fiance for 4 years now, at 26/27 we’re hearing ‘so, when’s the wedding’ a lot, and having to deal with the surprise when we tell them we’ve actually chosen to travel, instead of have a wedding. For some reason that’s a really radical decision to most?

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Anosa says:

    Short and very concise article. There are so many things to consider when you are into relationships and yes there are always a roller coaster ride in every kind of relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. This is great advice and I wish it had been available to me when I was married. For some reason, I was convinced it was going to be a fairly tale wedding.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Some really interesting points. it is strange to see how society has shifted. My parents were married for nearly 30 years, and I never once heard my dad disrespect my mother. Needless to say, I had high expectations. But mutual respect crosses all boundaries.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Excellent advice! I wish I would have a relationship like my parents, but times are so different now.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Amber says:

    Yes, this is so important to keep in mind. I hope my daughter knows a lot of these. I always tell her not to rush into anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Claudia Krusch says:

    These are great points. I have many friends that have been with their partners for over 15 years and never got married.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. lavonnia1978 says:

    According to my mother, I wasn’t allowed out of my room without “restraints” (meaning she had to be there the whole time and she was right up my rear. She wouldn’t let me even breathe (talk) to someone of the opposite gender.
    HOWEVER,
    When she was not around, my dad was the open minded one. If it were not for him, I would not have ever got on the right track. After he finally got through to my mother, I went a little wild. It took about 12 years for me to come down off of the wild side. I went through 3 other marriages because I had NO idea of what to look for or what I was doing. Then I met Mr. Right. We’ve been together for over 11 years (if you include the dating times).
    What I was NOT told, “Don’t go out and get with someone to get away from your mother!”

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Molly says:

    These are some real life realizations that I think everyone needs to know. Not all relationships have fairytale endings.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. toastycritic says:

    I think that it would be foolish to think that our relationships would be our parents relationship. But what I did realize is that even though in some ways it did, to grow the relationship you still need someone to work on the relationship part with you. If they are not willing to put in the work, they are not worth your time.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. kim says:

    Great points, Jay! I totally believe in #3 and #4!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. amyandtots says:

    Oh yes, marriage really isn’t all that (although I wouldn’t say no to getting married). I’ve always thought that you don’t need a piece of paper to say you love someone.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Elizabeth O. says:

    That part about settling, it’s true and we all had to learn that the hard way. It’s cool to find a person that you can be with but it’s never okay to stick with them just because you think being alone is going to be lonely.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. These are all true. I think the pressure of marriage and having kids is what our parents would always push us to make the move. It’s not something that everybody wants and as a couple, you should be able to decide on that.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. kemkem says:

    My Nigerian parents definitely didn’t believe in number 4. Marriage and kids in that order :-). Thank god l had blinders on. One of out 2 they had to settle for. Kids?..NO..thank you :-).

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Amanda says:

    Great read! I was always in a relationship growing up. I was young, naive, and infatuated by puppy love all throughout high school. I ended up getting pregnant at age 19 and marrying my daughter’s father at age 22. It’s a HUGE commitment and a lot of work. Not everyone gets as lucky as I did in my situation. I feel very blessed! I have learned that trust and good communication are the two most important factors in having a successful relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Katja Knox says:

    Most couples in my social circle never got married but are together still and happy. I am the exception, with having married my partner of 6 years.
    Katja xxx
    http://www.katnapped.com

    Like

  37. Tiara Wilson says:

    This hit the nail in the head. This is absolutely true. I cannot believe it, but my mom was a single parent and it was hard for her to speak out on relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Great advice. As someone who married later I agree in not settling. I think the essence of your article is do what is right for you and don’t feel intimated to live up to everyone else’s expectations.

    Like

  39. Heather says:

    That love = commitment. Love is the start, but really committing to someone is key. There are too many ups and downs to not take the commitment seriously.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. This is a great post on relationships and what our parents never told us. It is so true that you should never settle for just anyone because you don’t want to be alone. I believe there is someone out there for all of us. Thanks for shairng the information.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. staciesayzso says:

    Insightful, Jay! Everything that I learned about relationships were all trial and error. Unfortunate but true for many of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. alifeofauthenticity says:

    You are so right; especially point number 1. My parents have been married for 40 years and I was hoping I’d have the same experience…NOT!! LOL. Thanks for the post, it was very insightful.

    Liked by 1 person

  43. thestyleperk says:

    #2 is so true! I know myself and my other 25+ friends start to feel pressure around this age, but settling would be a temporary fix because you wouldn’t be happy in the long run.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. cleverlychanging says:

    My husband and i have been married for more than 11 years. It wasn’t easy at first but our contribute our success to him and the strong foundation his parents gave him.

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Kita says:

    Spot on! My mom didn’t school me about relationships. She just told me not to get pregnant. I will be doing things differently with my kids for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Carissa (The Green Eyed Lady) says:

    I will be married 5 Years on Friday…and I tell anyone that ask that you have to do it your way! Its good to have couples that look to for guidance but in order to make it work it has to be on your terms! Great Tips!

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Mimi Green says:

    I love all of these. Growing up my mother didn’t discuss relationships with us. I make sure I do it with kids. It will save them some struggle.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Kiwi says:

    Love and relationship is something that cant be taught its an experience and each one is different. Parents also never taught you how to be patient with love or really know when you are in love and how to nourish it…again its not something you can teach.

    Liked by 1 person

  49. So often we grow up not realizing how much work it takes to maintain a successful relationship. There is no perfect relationship because we are not perfect as individuals. We should focus on bringing the positives from our parent’s relationship instead of repeating all of their behaviors. Just because they’re our parents doesn’t mean they got it right. We have to be willing to learn new ways that work for our relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

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