Does Money Matter When Dating?

When it comes to money we all know that we need it to survive. Without money we would go without food, shelter, clothes and many other necessary things we need to live a wonderful and abundant life.  However, when it comes to dating money can be problematic either having too little or in some cases having an excessive amount of money.

Should We Ask?

Often times in dating there is a period where we are just getting to know someone and they peek our interest. We have started dating them and we see a future with this person. At this point some may argue that we should then ask “how much money do you make” or a more slick way around the question is “what do you do for a living”. Now asking harmless questions are not a big deal, because we are simply making conversation.  The problem comes into play when we get an answer we don’t like such as “ I’m a fast food worker” or “I’m currently job searching”.

Should We Date someone Outside  Our ‘Tax Bracket’

There are many marriage counselors, life coaches and aficionados of dating would say not to limit our dating prospects by putting a cap on who we can date. Many people have different opinions on this subject a few weeks ago while doing research for my upcoming podcast show I had this discussion with about forty different woman and about twenty different men.  I found their answers quite interesting and thought-provoking the majority of the woman I asked said “they wouldn’t date anyone who made less than them.  This was interesting because it differed from some of the research I’ve done on the particular topic. Men on the other hand matched my research perfectly by all twenty of the men saying they really don’t care how much money their partner makes as long as they are successful.

Does Money Matter?

Now some may make the claim that “money doesn’t matter and we should look on the inside of a person’s heart and not their wallet”. Others may say “Love don’t pay the bills” both statements have some truth to them and in my opinion deserves a middle ground. Saying money doesn’t matter at all is a bit of a stretch, but money being the only factor whether we decide to date someone or not is also problematic.

Final Thoughts

In the end money does matter to a certain extent, but shouldn’t be the determining factor in choosing to date someone or not.  So the question still remains does money matter when dating?  Comment your thought below in the comment section & if you liked this post please share!

 

Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved

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About Jay Colby

Some would categorize me as an entrepreneur, life coach, son, friend and all of the above. I’m just another person trying to find my way in this world. Until recently, I was unsure what my path in this life would consist of. Like many others I was between I know what I want to do but not sure if that’s what I’m supposed to do. I am currently finishing my degree in something that has nothing to do with becoming a writer or entrepreneur so automatically it qualifies me to become one right! Follow me as I go through this journey called life to impact and encourage one person at a time.
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88 Responses to Does Money Matter When Dating?

  1. darlasue22 says:

    Money matters. Not necessarily how much you make, but how you manage it. My ex-husband made plenty of money, but had no desire to save and spent whatever he wanted on himself without care of what I wanted. The way a person manages the money they do make says a lot and takes a while to see. Also, their work ethic is important. Are they willing to work and provide what they can if necessary? Or do they want/expect to live off you?

    Liked by 16 people

  2. thoughtcascadeblog says:

    When I was younger, I would have said no. Now that Im venturing into my forties, I would say definitely and maybe a better question would be, do we think of money in a way that is similar or compatible. Money (finances) are the number one reason for divorce in the United States. There is an old timey proverb that men are like engines … if its constantly knocking (asking for money) something is wrong LOL That can apply to women as well … some will not be happy or satisfied with a certain level of income and its just a fact.

    Liked by 6 people

  3. kage2015 says:

    Shouldn’t matter I never ever dated a person depending on how much money they made.

    Liked by 6 people

  4. jeana2deal says:

    Great post! I don’t think it matters how much one makes over the other. It’s whether one or both partners have sabotaging habits that wreck their finances. No matter what you make, if you spend more than you earn, it becomes a frustrating lose-lose situation for everyone involved.

    Liked by 8 people

  5. That’s very interesting what the women had to say in contrast to the men. I wonder if demographics and geographic location has a part to play in those answers? Certainly it would make sense to be equally yoked to someone. There is a preacher by the Name of TD Jakes who touched on this subject, respectively entreating the other to disclose their portfolio before proposal, and this makes great sense. Although, non of us have a crystal ball through which we navigate the future. That being said, what we have today, could be gone tomorrow at no fault of our own. Where does that leave us when It happens? And let’s not forget providence can elevate as easily as bring low. I think what is important is to . . . “33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33 NKJV)

    My wife and I are living proof of this principle.

    Liked by 9 people

  6. rothpoetry says:

    Many relationships are destroyed of the handling of money! Similar family values many be a more important evaluating tool.

    Liked by 5 people

  7. eddaz says:

    I love this post and you said it all. Money matters in a relationship but is not the determinant factor of the success of the relationship. It’s just a necessity for ones one or two needs. One shouldn’t forget that there might be money today, and everything zaps tomorrow, then what would the person in question do after he or she has gotten married to the person.

    Liked by 7 people

    • Jay Colby says:

      Very true we cannot get wrapped into materialistic things because they won’t last forever.

      Liked by 4 people

    • pratseek says:

      Money matters all the way in a relationship where security is a part of it..Women fundamentally want security and then freedom..Now once security part is handle, they look for freedom(love affairs) but not at the cost of security..only in adventurous affairs money has small role..

      Like

  8. msw blog says:

    What an age-old question. A “good job” doesn’t mean your finances are in order. think a better question once things are serious is “Can I see your credit score?” That will tell you more about how a person handles there income. Great post
    https://reallifeofanmsw.com

    Liked by 5 people

  9. To men, for the most part, don’t really care about where a woman is financially if we are vibing and the attraction is there

    Women on the other hand, are looking beyond the surface. They want a man who is somewhat not financially stable. They want to feel secure in who they settle down with. Money shouldn’t matter beyond a certain point, but it should matter if a person is broke if they don’t have a viable plan on what advancement they need to make.

    Money doesn’t matter, but it kinda does. Depending on the person’s mindset.

    Liked by 7 people

  10. I meant they DO WANT a man that’s financially stable

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Jonny says:

    Money shouldn’t matter, but it does! It would be interesting to find out if people with different amounts of wealth were more inclined to choose partners based on money. For example, rich people being more inclined to choose for money than poor people and vice versa.

    Liked by 5 people

  12. No. Money does not matter when dating. What matters is that the two of you are willing to build something together. A solid foundation for the future. I would rather date a broke man who can hold an intelligent conversation than to date a fool with a pocket full of money.

    My husband was outside of my tax bracket when we first started dating. Now, we’re married and in the same tax bracket.

    Liked by 6 people

  13. sandeept252 says:

    A few years ago, I’d have said money is not necessary but now I say that along with a good heart you also need money. A person who can manage money well is the best in managing everything else.

    Liked by 4 people

  14. Boo says:

    First I married for children. Then I married for love. Now I think I want to marry for money. I am getting closer to retirement. I’m kidding. I married for love both times. It just fizzled on the first one. The second one I always made more. Now I am a widow. I’m thinkin’ I’ll stay single.

    Liked by 5 people

  15. Fairen says:

    Perhaps it depends on the stage of life. Depending on age expectations financially can simply be to work hard and earn some type of money. If someone is a bit older, it may be required to have liveable income(I.e. a place of their own, maybe a vehicle, and a job); something that says they could live without my money and vice versa

    Liked by 4 people

  16. Run Wright says:

    I think what matters most is a person’s attitude towards money. I have a lot less money right now than I wish I did but I am ambitious and I am finally on the right Financial path, I think. I wouldn’t hold it against someone who was broke but learning how to be fiscally responsible.

    Liked by 4 people

  17. bishnum07 says:

    money does not matter as long as you both love each other but the irony of life is that without money you are going to suffer a lot like, social issues, parental issues….these are only a few but it quite difficult without money.

    Liked by 4 people

  18. Kim Gorman says:

    I think it all depends on the people and circumstances. When you’re really young, I think the potential a partner has to make money (such as if they’re in college or building a business) is more important than if they’re actually making it. When you reach middle age, it’s more of an issue because you don’t want someone dragging down all the years you worked hard to build up your finances. You want a partner who is at least equal. At the same time, if you meet someone who is special but doesn’t make a lot of money, you might be willing to compromise, so long as that person doesn’t have poor financial habits that will drag you down. I agree it’s difficult without money.

    Liked by 3 people

  19. I didn’t notice it mattered when I was younger but looking back I realize I never dated any boys who lacked funds. We learn early on what “matters” from our parents. If we date someone outside of the socio-economic class our parents usually intervene. Unless we’re rebellious many carry that judgment with us into adulthood. I stopped “dating”, per se, but if a man ask me out – he usually pays. So there’s that.

    Liked by 4 people

  20. rhandahinton says:

    Good question and great points! I totally agree. If you see a future with a person, it should definitely be something to think about… will we be okay financially if we decided to stay together, get married or have a family.

    Liked by 4 people

  21. lajuani says:

    I hate that money is such an issue, but you’re right, it is a topic that needs to be considered in relationships. I always get my purse out, I never just assume that the guy will pay. As much as it’s nice to be spoiled now and then, I’m always happy to go halves. What’s mine is yours and all that jazz…

    Liked by 4 people

  22. Kadii says:

    I agree money matters in so ways. But I’m. Sucker for love, true love always win in my book. But financially sustainability and responsible is a character trait to be attracted to in a man or women….

    Liked by 4 people

  23. Firstly to start with all of the posts you write i can find them so very relatableto me or my life like the questions you leave in the end for discussions are the ones going on in my head also at some time or the other.
    now coming to the answer i think i’m dating someone from a business background, and he is rich than me but it keeps fluctuating like in the start he was rich, but then as the months passed by their bus. Is not working that well so..
    relation is not about.
    love stays , money can come and go.
    i learned that 🙂
    nice post btw

    Liked by 4 people

  24. rothpoetry says:

    Money definitely matters in a relationship! It has less to do with how much and more to do with how it is managed by the other person. Lavish spending sprees only indicate what will happen down the road. Conservative and yet tasteful spending indicates a level head and someone who will hang for the long haul! Maxing out credit and spending what one does not have should be an early warning signal to move on from that situation!
    Just an old guy’s opinion! Take it for what it is worth!!
    Dwight

    Liked by 5 people

  25. Pingback: Does Money Matter When Dating? — Jay Colby – disue

  26. M. Miles says:

    Interesting topic. I look forward to hearing your upcoming podcast coverage!

    Liked by 4 people

  27. A.Dreamer says:

    I would say that it does matter to some degree. Now, if someone works at a fast food or is looking for a job I guess what matters is what are their goals for the future. And of course, it matters if one finds that money are important in life.

    Liked by 3 people

  28. For me it matters, if you decide to date someone, you are building the future for both of you. During that process, you will have to dish out money through dating and building up the relationship for the both of you to know each other. In time, if I figured out that the lifestyle of the girl is beyond what I can provide, I would not pursue the relationship as I cannot give the life she wants. We might not end up happy once we get married and regret choosing me in the end.

    Liked by 3 people

  29. addie north says:

    Great topic! For me, money was one of many factors I weighed when choosing who to date, as a part of the bigger picture of what a future with a prospective date might look like. That said, it’s a HUGE turn-off for men to brag about how much money they make or (worse) the size of their trust fund. It’s the equivalent of saying “Hey girl, you should like me because I’m rich.” Money would never sway me to date someone I had no connection with. Money may buy comfort and security, but it can’t buy happiness!

    Liked by 3 people

  30. Pingback: Does Money Matter When Dating? (Response) – IAMTAUREENIA

  31. boompawolf says:

    I don’t think money in itself is necessarily an issue, but debt can be. Especially if someone keeps spending what they don’t have.

    Liked by 3 people

  32. Shellz says:

    Money is one of the leading causes of fights in relationship and sometimes even divorce. Regardless if anyone says money is not a BIG deal, they need to deal with it anyway. If folks can be intimate with one another, then laying out your finances shouldn’t be an issue. You don’t want to uncover debts and bad spending habits later on down the line. That can be a deal breaker for sure.

    Liked by 4 people

  33. Money DOES matter. Take it from someone who’s been married almost 8 years. I’ve dated guys who make more than I do and ones who’ve made less. It takes a very confident man to have a wife who makes more than he does. I’ve found ego can be a problem.

    Liked by 4 people

  34. Jo says:

    Very interesting read. I don’t think money matters in a relationship. I’ve never expected someone else to “do” for me. If he does, fine, if not fine. Fast Food worker isn’t a problem, I’m just hoping he’d aspire to be in a management position or he’s there because he can get that at the time. You should always strive to do better no matter what type of job you have. That’s my opinion at least.

    Liked by 3 people

  35. Kiwi says:

    Money matters sorry. It has to, I couldnt date a man with no direction and couldn’t obtain a stable job making a decent salary. The money isnt just for me, its for if I procreate with someone my family can have a great provider as a husband and father. Seriously it matters and yes a woman contributes to money to, but the man is the ultimate provider. I don’t believe a man should be shuffling his feet, and a woman shouldn’t be worried about if she is dating outside her tax bracket. Again he is the provider (or should be) so that is not a issue.

    Liked by 5 people

  36. Tiffany H. says:

    Its true love does not pay the bills, but if you partner is contributing even with making less then me, I can look pass how much they make.

    Liked by 4 people

  37. Holly says:

    Money matters. People at least need to be able to handle their own stuff. How much they make is something that can be set to the side.

    Liked by 4 people

  38. Ramona says:

    I agree that money matters to a certain extent. However, it shouldn’t make or break the relationship. It’s helpful to have conversations and observations early in the relationship. This can eliminate confusion.

    Liked by 4 people

  39. Money doesn’t matter I can date someone that’s making 30k that has good money management. I’m now learning at 29 how to manage my money and the whole time I thought I didn’t make enough but in reality I just had very bad money management . I don’t really care how much money he makes but I do care about how responsible he is with his money

    Liked by 4 people

    • Jay Colby says:

      That is a great way to look at it. I think over time as we mature our values change and we realize that money may not be as important as we thought. Also it has a lot to do with how we grew up and what is our expectations of our partner. Thanks for reading and sharing such insightful thoughts!

      Liked by 2 people

  40. Really the question is, “Does money matter to YOU?” It gets tiresome to always pay double, as if you’re supporting another person on your single paycheck. Therefore I just as often pay the tab, even though he doesn’t mind whipping out his wallet. I prefer to be an equal in all things.

    Like

  41. Yeka says:

    Money haven’t really mattered to me in relationship…
    But in a situation where ur partner is stingy to u, doesn’t take care of you and all there is a problem….
    Even the poorest or average guys with little to offer would make more effort to provide for their partners than the ones that are rich and one would appreciate that effort that money flogging

    Liked by 3 people

  42. Money does matter. How a person handles their money, will tell me how they will handle mind if we are married. So, YES, you may not have to make what I make, but you have to be responsible with what you have.

    Liked by 4 people

  43. hmmkiki says:

    I would say their attitude to money makes a difference too. If they’re working at mid level and enjoy grinding and having several income streams that’s nice. If they lose their job and still have a go getter mindset that to me is better than losing their job or being on a simple entry level fast food and not wanting to grind.

    Liked by 4 people

  44. mraine33 says:

    To me, money doesn’t matter as much as being employed does. If you are going to work every day and willing to do what you have to do to make ends meet, that is fine. Another thing is the person’s financial situation in general. I don’t care how much you make so to speak, but I want to know if you pay your bills, and where that is as a priority for you. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 years and have lived together the whole time. When we first met he had just lost his job, but he really didn’t have much in terms of bills. He was living with his sister and she was giving him some time to get on his feet. I was able to help him find a job, and it turns out his work ethic is actually really good. He had gotten into some legal trouble before he met me and it narrowed his job prospects, but it wasn’t that he was unwilling to work. Once he got a job, we continued living with his sister for a while, but eventually she wanted rent and utility money, which was understandable. We have always split our bills down the middle for anything mutual, and anything we want to take up on our own has also been separate. I don’t look to a relationship to fulfill my financial desires, nor do I look to myself to fulfill someone elses. I think as long as he’s willing to handle his share, and I handle mine, that’s all that matters.

    Liked by 1 person

  45. motgpr2014 says:

    Money does matter, in my opinion. Men are supposed to be the head of the household. If he is supposed to be the head then he is the major money earner. Any money I bring in, or bot, is icing on the cake. I have old school values. It works for me and my husband. Men and women will let you get away with what you let them. If you accept your significant other not to work, then they will oblige. If a man doesn’t work, he doesn’t eat. Women must have standards. We have some of the same opportunities. Man up and woman up. Love your article. Great dialogue

    Like

  46. Darie.T says:

    Money does matter but to an extent, however not in the sense that “I won’t date someone if they made less” but more like “does this person have a good work ethic, tries their best and value the money that is earned” we should be proud of the people that we date for the amount that they earn because they are trying their best and it shows their personality which in the end should outweigh our thoughts on their income.

    Like

  47. Money does matter in a sense. But I don’t care just as long as my partner is working or looking for work.

    Like

  48. I think money should be considered when dating someone. Knowing how they manage, respect or disrespect money can be very telling to other areas of their life and character. Are they disciplined? Fearful of losing money so they’re stingy or selfish? Don’t have any real responsibilities so they blow cash and don’t save? These things are all connected to money and say a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

  49. I loved reading this. You made very good points. The fact of dating someone just because of money is problematic, but knowing their habits definitely helps when deciding if you could build something in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

  50. The fact is that we stay inside of our “club”. A rich person want to be together with another rich. A religious person wants to be together with another religios person from the same religon. A musican wants to be together with other musicans. In germay we have a word to this, we call it Ständegesellschaft. The settlers who came from europe to the USA wanted to break out of this. Ellis Island, New York was thir hope. To some it ends in a desaster. Poor stayed poor. Rich stayed rich. Today we call this “moderne (modern) Ständegesellschaft”. I do not know any american or english word for this. But it is that, what you find out.

    Like

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