Compromising is something we all have to do in many aspects of our lives. Compromises with life, career, family, goals, friends, relationships, life choices and countless number of other things are sometimes required in our daily lives. However often times we can get to the point of collapse where we loose ourselves and sometimes over compromise. This can be problematic when it comes to relationships. A few months ago I was invited to a panel discussion on today’s relationship climate and some of the challenges with dating. One of the topics that was touched on was compromising and how it can impact a relationship. This prompted me to ask the question when does compromise turn into collapse?
What is Compromise?
For many people in relationships compromise is an easy thing to do i.e.what restaurants you all like to attend, what movies to go see or maybe even to turn the TV down while the other person is on the phone. These compromises do not threaten our core requirements, wants, and deepest desires and the reasons why we got into a relationship in the beginning. In every relationship we all have differences but sometimes it can cause disagreements, arguments and sometimes causing the end of the relationship. Compromise is great in small doses, often necessary to smooth over a few rough edges of an otherwise smoothly functioning relationship. The problem occurs when we start compromising essential elements of who we are is when the cracks and leaks in the foundation of relationship start to expose itself.
What is Collapse?
Collapse only comes when we are in relationships that requires us to change who we are, what we do, the very thing that describes us as a person. This is when it can become tricky and many times can ruin a relationship. The goal for anyone looking for companionship is to find that “special someone” who makes them happy and are compatible with their personalities, character and morals. This is not to say that we will find some absolutely perfect, but we can have someone who is “right for us”.
Final Thoughts
In a healthy relationship we should sustain who each partner is and allow each person to grow and work together to meet his or her needs. This may seem obvious, but it is hard to keep this in mind while entranced by the unmatched bliss of a new love, when you’re willing to give up anything and everything to be with the other person and you don’t appreciate the costs of what you’re giving up. Have you every compromise before what were some of the things you compromised was it worth it? Comment below & if you liked this post please share!
Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.
Jay Colby 
Nicely put, I think the difference is misunderstood in many relationships, always easier as an outsider looking in 🙂
LikeLiked by 6 people
Great insight thanks for stopping by!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love this post. I always give people advice on compromises in relationship. I spent most of my adult life thinking the “perfect man” was out there somewhere. Optimistic yes, realistic no. No one is perfect and sometimes you have to compromise. 🙂 great post I hope everyone can learn something from it
LikeLiked by 10 people
Thank you for reading & you are there are no “perfect people”. But there is perfect person who is designed for us!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Totally agree with you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’ve definitely compromised on some things for the best of the family. Thankfully they were things that I’m okay with “changing”. At other times, things that seem like compromises have turned out to be for the better and I’ve improved as a person.
LikeLiked by 9 people
Very true many compromising can benefit us in ways that we never thought it could. Great insight!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is very interesting post.
In order to compromise it is essential that we can see clearly the effect that this action will have on the relationship. A compromise after all is a decision based on the best outcome for both sides when the suggestion of action by both parties is not agreed on.
To truely reach a successful compromise both parties must be prepared to give away part of their origional idea.
This is were the collapse occurs.When one perin thinks they are better at making the RIGHT decision.
The collapse is due more to a conflict of strength of character and percieved intellect.
LikeLiked by 9 people
You are exactly right well said thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
We can go even deeper into this topic by looking within ourselves to reflect upon what our own morals, ethics, values, preferences… etc. are. When we know where we stand as an individual in this world perhaps that allow us to measure what things we are willing to compromise on or not in relationships (be it in our romantic relationships, work, neighbor etc.). One question I keep in mind is does my partner hinder or encourage and inspire my growth as an individual and us as a couple?
Great post! A much needed topic to discuss, thanks!!!! 🙂
LikeLiked by 10 people
You make some excellent points. I especially liked the what you said “does my partner hinder or encourage and inspire my growth as an individual and as a couple”. Thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
A past partner of mine said that he believed we hindered each other’s growth, which was true, and I realized I had been compromising TOO much and questioning myself in the process. My current relationship only pushes me to be my best, to always strive to grow, to learn and grow individually and together. There are always compromises, but perhaps we can look at them as opportunity when in a healthy relationship! 🙂
LikeLiked by 5 people
Pingback: Compromise vs Collapse | B +Ve !!
That’s true. We cannot compromise on who and what we fundamentally are.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Yes because if we do we can lose ourselves.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So, I definitely have experience with this in the past 3.5 years I’ve been married. At first I was selfish, and clinging to the idea that things would always go my way. As I started to compromise, I realized that I was giving up dreams and visions I had been molding my whole life. This caused some serious resentment to build, but as with everything, my wife and I communicated and worked through it. The more selfless you are, the more you receive from life. Let go of your expectations and allow life to present you south something even better! My wife and I are not alike in ANY WAY, but we make a perfect team.
LikeLiked by 8 people
You are completely right without communication, compromise & being selfless it will hard to be in committed relationship thanks for sharing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Jay once again great post. Thanks for sharing.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Thank you for all your support!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Anytime.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Pingback: Compromise vs Collapse — Jay Colby | crowdCONNX
Compromise is not giving in, a real relationship thrives on compromise. Nobody can be right or get their way 100% of the time. Great read.
LikeLiked by 6 people
Great insight thanks for stopping by & commenting!
LikeLike
Excellent topic Jay. It reminds me of the movie I just saw recently called “Goddess.” The story is somehow similar to the things discussed on this article and all other linked discussions.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Thank you & I’m going to have check out that movie!
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Finding that special someone, someone who’s right for us, compromising in favor of an unmatched bliss of a new love…” Just rephrasing… These make me think (again)…Thanks for writing and sharing. It creates new prompts for me. 🙂
LikeLiked by 5 people
Thank you I’m glad it resonated with you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great post. It’s so sad, yet true about the collapse.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Thanks you
LikeLike
A balanced view ! Lovely perspective !!
LikeLiked by 5 people
Thank you I appreciate it!
LikeLike
You are most welcome!
LikeLiked by 2 people
This is good Jay.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Marriage/kids are a daily, on – going, never ending compromise. Despite being married, two people continue to develop and change along their own paths, sometimes converging, sometimes diverging. The trick is to highlight the convergence and see divergence as an opportunity, not a threat. When kids come along, your paths get barrel – bombed for a few years until they develop a sense of independence but then you are able to get back on your own tracks. Again, your paths may diverge, and the kids have their own, but it’s exciting o see that independent growth and to be and part of it. Compromise is balance and understanding.
LikeLiked by 6 people
Great insight compromise is a key to marriage and relationships. Thanks for sharing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Jay.
Here’s a challenge for you. I recently had an encounter with a married woman who’s husband doesn’t care much how touches her in bed. hen gets ready he wants to go in even if she’s not. They are both of the Christian frat and you know how big we can get on the submission thing so she yields for him to do his business and when he’s done she turns to the wall and cries herself to sleep. It Kept on happening till it drove a rift between them that she stopped responding to any of his attempts at all, when he wanted to find out why she explained what the problem was. That he doesn’t quite care about her feelings or if she’s even benefiting anything from this. His response was ” This is who i am, I don’t know how to be anything else. You’ve known me for 9 years and I’ve never been anything else besides this”.
The question is the husband changing and growing to be what his wife needs as he should, is that compromise or growth? I guess my question is why is that we tend to label ourselves too early when we could possibly benefit from stretching a little further? Or is holding on to a concept of what we think we are worth losing a life partner?
Just a thought.
LikeLiked by 6 people
Growth is necessary for us all. If don’t improve or grow in life we can become complacent. On the hand in this case marriage is about compromising and understanding what the other person wants and needs. In this particular situation if he was always the same and never changed. This person may have overlooked this because they were such in love. This is a common in many relationships we tend to look for the good in people and try disregard the flaws which in many cases can become a deal breaker. In the end commutation is the key and without it any relationship will fail. Thanks for stopping by & I hope this helps to answer your question!
LikeLiked by 1 person
My ability to know myself and what I wanted was what drew my husband to me, at least that’s what he told him mom….
LikeLiked by 5 people
Very true we do attract what we put out there. Thanks for sharing !
LikeLike
Thought provoking article. Was fun to read and dwell on the concepts you went over. I think that awareness of these values can help a relationship a great deal. Each couple will think and behave differently, but there are some core values that are worth exploring in every relationship.
LikeLiked by 6 people
Great insight well said!
LikeLike
You are very insightful and that is great. Nice post.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Thank you so much!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
you are welcome
LikeLiked by 2 people
Great post. It is very informative. Compromise is needed in every aspect of life.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Thank you & yes you are completely right!
LikeLike
You’re absolutely right! Compromising too much can lead to resentment and a ‘lose/lose’ scenario where both parties feel they’ve had to give up something that was important to them. I remember a time early in my relationship with my husband where there were times I had to stand firm and say “Like it or lump it”.. Fortunately he decided to ‘accept it’ and we grew in our relationship as a result. Yep – there’s definitely a case for some things in standing your ground when it’s fundamental to your own well being.. Great post – thanks!
LikeLiked by 5 people
You are completely right sometimes we have to “stand firm” on certain circumstances. Thanks for sharing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
We certainly do! x
LikeLiked by 2 people
Jay, what a wonderful blog you have here! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and appreciate my first post on my own blog otherwise I may not have found yours when I did. I am humbled and honored. I look forward to reading more of your work!
LikeLiked by 5 people
Thank you I’m glad you stopped by!
LikeLike
This is a very important distinction to make in building a healthy relationship. There’s one thing I don’t quite agree with though: “Collapse only comes when we are in relationships that requires us to change who we are, what we do, the very thing that describes us as a person.”
I’ll start with there are times this is absolutely true and a requirement to change fundamentally can cause huge strife between people and within oneself. Yet, I would argue that some of the best relationships fundamentally change who a person is, change the course of what they’re doing with their life, etc. This is due to a (sometime radical) change in priorities. This isn’t necessarily the doom of a relationship. In fact, when it works I think it makes for the most rock solid.
The important factors here I think are an openness to change and growth, the support of a partner, and growing together with the understanding that there are many bumps along the way.
I view this similar to parenthood. Priorities can change pretty fast when kids enter the equation to a point where who you were fundamentally is not necessarily the same.
On the other hand, not everything is going to be compromisable to each individual no matter where their priorities shift. I can see collapse as a result. Though I still think relationships can change people enormously, more than they may have thought, and still be the best for their relationship and themselves.
I don’t think of my change after being my with my partner as losing myself, just changing to a much better version of me.
LikeLiked by 5 people
You made a great agreement change can be good for us all. On the hand I would add no one change us. They can only influence change we have want this “change” to happen for ourselves first. Great insight thanks for sharing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Jay, I’ve recently (in the past three years) decided to stop compromising in all relationships, not just my marriage. People thought I was crazy, but the thing is, I’d been doing a lot of things that I didn’t want to, simply to fit in or make other people happy/feel comfortable. What I truly believe is that if you know yourself well enough, then you won’t have to compromise. You’ll probably attract people who are aligned with who you are and who you want to be. Thanks for a great read/thoughts.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Very true sometimes “compromising” can be a downfall for any relationship if your comprising your own happiness. Great point thanks for sharing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
A great post from you too!
LikeLiked by 5 people
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always very difficult to pinpoint what makes for a good relationship. I think compromise on the little things works, as long as values remain in tact. Good food for thought, here.
LikeLiked by 5 people
True compromise of certain things are necessary for a healthy relationship. Thank you for taking the time to read & comment!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always such an inspiration to read your posts Jay and I am quickly growing into one of your biggest fans. Well said…
LikeLiked by 4 people
Thank you so much I appreciate your kind words!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great Post, you share some great advice.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Important words of wisdom. The best relationships are those that support the greatness in us.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Well said I always belive if the person can’t help or support our greatness then that might not be the right person for us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Alienated Dad: Based on a True Story.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Compromise is definitely an important part of any relationship. Instead of finding myself compromising and collapsing in the beginning I decided to find a partner who I could accept as is and vice versa,mother let the compromises come later, naturally. Not forcing either of us to change who we were, but compromising as the relationship strengthened so we could continue to grow together.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Very true growth within a relationship is key. Thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
I think you can go about life comprising in many different situations and for different reasons, however I would never, ever compromise my integrity. I mean, what’s left after that? Great and thought provoking post! Thank you!
LikeLiked by 5 people
Great insight & thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Knowing what is right is one thing but remembering to do it and even wanting to can be so difficult.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Very true thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
I think boundaries must be set up at the beginning of a relationship to ensure only compromises are made and that both are making them. I also believe it is easier to do so if both people have a clear idea of who they are and what they want.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Very true boundaries are important when it comes to dating and relationships thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
Compromise is not about giving in. Compromise brings about conversation and why or how a person wants something done.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Very true great point.
LikeLike
I’ve definitely been there before. And I agree with everything you said. In that specific relationship I found myself compromising as a result of insecurity which I think is the case a lot of times. We feel like if we don’t do this or that he or she won’t like us enough to stick around. I think when you’re secure in yourself, the compromise never comes to that point because you know who you are and your partner knows who you are 100% and accepts all the good parts with the not so good parts.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Very true knowing who we are is the best way to prevent over compromising or collapse. This is a common problem in relationships when sometimes we rush into a relationship without full knowing ourselves.
LikeLike
Great article Jay. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Thank you & very true well said!
LikeLike
Nice post! Equal match to an equal match. As stated in your post- never compromise the very foundations of who you are. Tolerance leads quickly to abandonment of self if not careful. Yes- been there a few times before.
Great post!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Great insight thanks for reading!
LikeLike
So true. I really don’t like that I can’t do what I want because my other half doesn’t want me too. In the end I still do those things because I’m my own person and I feel that every time I compromise to let some things that I really love go, it’s like I lose a part of who I am. I do understand however, that some things have to change once you are in a relationship but harmful things, that define me as a person, I really can’t let go.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Very true there is a thin line between compromising and collapse. Thanks for reading!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sharing this. I have to. You over here speaking truth!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: Compromise vs Collapse — Jay Colby – amiableempath
Great questions to consider in a relationship. I would include this one, “What do you consider a deal breaker or something you won’t ever give up regardless of the other person’s belief?”
LikeLiked by 2 people
That is a great question for anyone to ask if their in a relationship or considering one. Thanks for sharing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think that sone amount of compromise is essential in all relationships. Life is not a wish granting factory. The chance that there is a person out there who will love every habit, choice and mannerisms of yours is extremely less, if not negligible. The trick is to be able to know when compromise turns into collapse, as you have said, which, I think, can only be seen in hindsight.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Some *
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great insight. Without compromise it will be downright impossible to have a healthy long lasting relationship. Thanks for reading!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great elaboration!
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Collapse is something nobody should have to endure. Nobody should have to change for anyone.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I think it begins with self love & knowlege of self first. Having an honest look inside, & an awareness of the experiences & situations that positively effect you & that align with your personal codes of conduct. All to often negative compromise happens when we aren’t honest about such things. Lovely post!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hmmm, well said. I have definitely compromised on so many levels to make people I love happy. It’s a part of life that can’t be tossed away if we do want a lasting relationship. Thanks for reading my post. Appreciate. Have a lovely week ahead.😀😀
LikeLiked by 2 people
This was a great post. It makes me think about my close family member and his girlfriend. I admit that he does have a lot to work on about himself (as do many of us) and his girlfriend is often upset about his “shortcomings.” Or what she perceives as his shortcomings. Anyways, he keeps making change after change to make her happy, but I’m not sure if she’ll ever be happy. Yet, they’re still together. I hope for the best though!
LikeLiked by 1 person