Standards V.S Expectations

The setting of standards and expectations is a traditional means of making quality decisions. Standards are defined as a level or quality of attainment while expectations are described as a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. We all have standards and expectations in life. Whether they are living in a certain neighborhood or the amount of money we want to make. There are many different types of standards that we may have set for our lives, relationships and careers. When it comes to dating, expectations can hinder ones chances of finding that “special someone”. Standards on the other can help you discover what you really want or need in a relationship. Most of the time standards don’t just pop into our heads like an idea. It is made and formed out of our values we learned as a kid and our lifestyle choices. Simply put, we develop these standards over time.

Standards should always precede expectations as they are the foundation markers for every relationship. Having standards for oneself is very important in finding a potential partner. When you’re setting standards you know yourself, you can set standards based on qualities or accomplishments that you’ve attained. I know many people who have stated that they won’t date anyone who doesn’t have a college degree. In this case, having a college degree is a minimum standard. However standards could limit or hurt your chances while dating if we get consumed with your “standards”. It is sometimes hard to differentiate between expectations and reality. One of the biggest misconception a lot of people have is that they want their partner must reciprocate all our feelings and agree with our opinions all the time. The fact is men and women are wired differently the way each of us approaches life situations and challenges is different, and to accept these differences and allow room for understanding the other is key to lasting happiness.

The key difference between expectations and standards is expectations are placed on others, while standards are things we place on ourselves. Men and women  both value standards, they make you more exclusive, and exclusivity is attractive. Expectations are ugly because they make you seem picky, especially if you react adversely to failed or met expectations. We all have our relationship pet-peeves and “deal-breakers”. The key is to not allow our list to become so extensive that we rule out viable potential partners. If the thought of trimming your list makes you cringe, and you feel like you are “settling” then you shouldn’t change your list. Although if you have unrealistic expectations for love or an relationship, and are unwilling to compromise on even your most superficial criteria — make sure you are prepared to accept the consequences. Love doesn’t always arrive in the package we expected but if the gift itself is good, consider hanging on to it.

Which do you think is more important standards or expectations and what are some of  the  standards and expectations that you expect for your relationship? Comment Below and if you like this post, like and please share!


Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved



About Jay Colby

Some would categorize me as an entrepreneur, life coach, son, friend and all of the above. I’m just another person trying to find my way in this world. Until recently, I was unsure what my path in this life would consist of. Like many others I was between I know what I want to do but not sure if that’s what I’m supposed to do. I am currently finishing my degree in something that has nothing to do with becoming a writer or entrepreneur so automatically it qualifies me to become one right! Follow me as I go through this journey called life to impact and encourage one person at a time.
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38 Responses to Standards V.S Expectations

  1. A little balance of both is good, I think everything within measure can be good.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. piratepatty says:

    I have very high standards and very few expectations. Life Lessons!

    Liked by 5 people

  3. CookRook says:

    I am for nonstandard approach!
    Only creativity, only hardcore 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  4. caendicott says:

    Standards to me mean I’m not the sole person responsible for keeping the house picked up, and I shouldn’t have to remind my spouse all the time. Expectation is his contribution on a regular basis. I think I answered your question correctly.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. I loved your distinction. I can’t say I have ever thought about the two as sides of a coin or even related but i can see tha t now.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. aditi2494 says:

    I don’t know about standards but all i know is i want the other person to be happy and willing to share sorrows, joys and problems, so that we can start the journey together to stay together.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. nabomitadas says:

    I guess it is important to set a standard for ourselves first. Once we give our selves enough respect for what we have learnt through life, we are able to set standards and we should strive to maintain them as well. Expectations build from standards. Once my standard is set or more or less set, I would be in a position to understand what to and what not to expect. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Well-said! That’s a great way of looking at it. I would definitely say that standards are more important than expectations. I think standards are much more clear-cut and solid than expectations because you focus more on what kinds of behaviour you’ll accept from people while expectations are usually more superficial and petty. For me, it’s all about respect, willingness to admit when one is wrong and open, honest communication. It’s too bad that some people won’t accept someone without secondary education. Some of the most intelligent people I’ve come across are the ones without any college/university degrees.

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Pingback: Follow Friday: May 20, 2016 – Creative Writing For Me

  10. I like how you clarified the difference between each. I would say there has to be a balance between both. I don’t think one is more or less important than the other. Good post!

    Liked by 4 people

  11. revengestar says:

    Now how can i not follow after this? Your blog slays! *follows enthusiastically*

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Good and informative post.👍👍👍👍

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Eri Hunt says:

    I would have to say standards because it’s the foundation. Of your moral’s and value of your life it help’s you figure out what you want . I feel like expectations can lead to very bad disappointment. I feel that its not safe to depend on it.

    Liked by 4 people

  14. Awesome post. I agree with what you said.

    Liked by 4 people

  15. Meccaamirahj says:

    Very helpful and inspiring post! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  16. bursh1 says:

    Hello bro. I love your blog so much, and I wish you can let me be your guest. Though I haven’t done that before, but you can let me know how you will want the post to be and also how I will go about it. Thanks

    Liked by 3 people

  17. KelsieLou says:

    I would say Standards are more important because they are my road map towards success and I control the wheel. More failure is experienced through placing expectations on others who run off the road and never reach that destination.

    Liked by 3 people

  18. This was very meaningful piece of writing. Yet I belive expectations must be kept low, else should be expressed more often.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Very meaningful post. Well, an individual must expect less if expectations hurt them, or else must express their expectations in order to ensure that people meet up to that. Standards go parellel in that aspect, it defines your personality. Yet there is a disproportionate mixture of this in every individual.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. geminilvr says:

    Expectations can be a relationship killer too. Sometimes we expect so much from our partner that when they don’t deliver, we run. Great post Jay.


  21. Ms Mollah says:

    This is my thing, values should be the things that guide you because values are rooted in something much deeper and they represent your beliefs which are intrinsically part of who you are. I value quality time for example. That means I would appreciate it if the person I date respected that and valued it as well because it is not something I am willing to back down on. Values are more real; standards as you have said can be superficial and so the line can be a bit thin. Expectations; I kinda let go of those as I realized they are the fastest route to disappointment and like you pointed they are about the other person and truth is you can only be responsible for you and what you bring to the table. Awesome piece though; quite thought provoking!


  22. bisimodupe1975 says:

    This makes a lot of sense.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. forever_herie says:

    Great post , I think standards are essential , Very essential. As a woman , I set standards to know what isn’t for me in relationships particularly. But expectations are kinda petty for me


  24. mraine33 says:

    I have recently decided to become Buddhist, and I’m really glad I came upon this post. I was reading some Buddhist books today and there was a lot of talk of expectations and how we need to let go of them. I was really struggling with that part of the book, because I hadn’t really separated expectations and standards. I felt like letting go of expectations pretty much lets people off the hook for being crappy human beings. I love how you put it that expectations are things we put on others, but standards are what we put on ourselves, and that setting our standards requires us to know ourselves. This is an important distinction. It’s very important to have standards or else you might find yourself putting up with a lot of unnecessary crap, not to mention become a doormat. We still can have standards and let go of the expectations though. For example in a relationship instead of saying “I want a man who never disagrees with me” as an expectation, we can set a standard of “I don’t want to be with someone who cannot communicate openly and compromise.” That way it leaves the door open for someone who may disagree with you but can come to a satisfactory conclusion despite the differences. Thanks for this post, it really helped me out today 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  25. thealtamale says:

    This is a very insightful piece, really well-written 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Great Read, some very good points in there. However, i am a huge believer of setting realistic standards when it comes to partner you are looking for and never allowing TIME or PEOPLE change and influence your standards because they’re either too high or too hard to keep up with. In other words, you don’t need to settle for someone good when you know there is someone greater for you out there but its always wise to take a chance because you just never know where it may lead you . Awesome read 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  27. This is my take: we grow first to meet the expectations of the environment that developed us to who we are. And as we become independent, we live more by standards and less by expectations.

    Liked by 1 person

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