Having standards for our lives is a common practice in our society. Majority of us have standards for different areas of our lives whether it is a certain neighborhood we want to live in or the amount of money we want to make. There are many different types of standards that we may have set for our lives, relationships and careers. When it comes to dating I’m sure we’ve all heard of standards and deal breakers. This brings up the question should we ever lower our standards?
Standards V.S Expectations
Many times we confuse standards and expectations when it comes to relationships. I’ve met plenty of people who say “The person I date has to have everything on my list”. The one thing about this statement is there is too much emphasis on what our “list” says. Focusing too much on a list can sometimes lead to unrealistic expectations that can cause us to lose sight of what’s really important to us. Having standers are great for narrowing down our search when looking for someone to date, but sometimes we need to reevaluate if they are truly a standard or just an expectation.
Should You Lower Your Standards?
Often times there is a negative connotation when we think of lowering our standards. Therefore we may feel as if we do settle for something that is less than we “want” we will be miserable and unhappy. This is true in some instances, because some of our standards are deal-breakers. Which are crucial to having a prosperous and healthy relationship. On the hand for example I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and they stated “I’ve been dating someone for the past few months. They are a great person and we always have an amazing time together. The only problem is their not exactly my type when it comes to the looks department”. This statement to some may seem like this person is being shallow and undervaluing the great qualities this person has. Some people may view it as you shouldn’t settle to be someone, because in the end you won’t be happy.
Final Thoughts
Everyone’s standards are different, because we have different morals, goals, expectations, experiences and background’s which shape our perception on relationships. In the end we have to know what is and isn’t acceptable for us. Would or have you ever lowered your standards? Comment below & if you liked this post please share!
Copyright ©2016 Jay Colby All Rights Reserved.
Jay Colby 
I think you set your own standards and change it as per your wish or according to the situation!
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Great insight!
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Is it a standard and if it’s constantly changing?
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So true! The final thoughts👍
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Thank you!
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Yes. Sometimes i have lowered my standards for my friends.
but i guess you should not because in the end you regret.
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Great point thanks for sharing!
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There is a difference between a standard and a perspective. Anyone who judges on the outer wrapping is a fool. People are who they are inside, appearances change over time as they are influenced by fashion, friends and family. Would you lower the standards on an issue you are passionate about? would you deny yourself a relationship that has meaning and depth because you don’t like someone’s haircut? Do you want a relationship of passion and interaction or a person to put on your mantlepiece to show off to the neighbors?
Come on, Jay, you have more substance than this.
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Thank you for your insight. But this topic was for discussion not my personal views about lowering your standards.
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You touched upon a relevant debate in a person. Once tried everything the conclusion comes down to being true to yourself …great post!
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Thank you for reading & commenting!
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Standard according to Mariam Webster is “something that is very good and that is used to make judgments about the quality of other things”.
Thanks Jay for this post…. But it leaves me with some questions… To All.
What standard have we really set?
***We live our daily life with standard*** you may not notice but people are watching
The way you act today, can it be use to correct others mistakes in terms of relationship, parenting and in our lifestyle?
********——-**********
We miss alot because of the standard we set to live by…
And we gain alot because of the standard we set to live by…
The Standard you set for yourself to live by can affect others positively or negatively…….
Allow Your Standard to be used as a positive example to correct others……
👐👐👐👐👐👐👐👐👐👐👐👐
Thanks Jay….
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Great insight thanks for sharing!
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You’re welcome Jay
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This is a very general question.
I think it all depends on what stage of life you are at.
Generally speaking the answer is a definate no.However amazing friendship are lost with this narrow view.
As far as relationships go,as long as you are truely happy the standard is….happiness.
Maybe we can accept people for who they are and grow together or we settle for a shallow life of dissapointment.
The choice is yours.
good luck✔
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Great insight thanks for sharing!
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Standards are what give us the guidelines on what we deem acceptable. Ofttimes it is then up to us to apply those guidelines. So many situations will be compared against our standards. At some point we have to decide, is this “good enough” that I’ll take it anyway, or do we walk away.
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I agree standards are guidelines to help us determine what we want. Great insight thanks for sharing!
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Do you think we have the same standards for ourselves that we set for others?
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Yes because humans adapt to change.
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Very true we’re all always changing.
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I don’t think you should ever lower your standards, but your standards should be based on morality and values. The truth is if two of you think the same, one of you is irrelevant. Figure out what’s truly important to you then find someone who shares those values (not opinions). The rest is pretty superficial IMO
Good post, brother.
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I tend to agree standards should be based on our values. Thank you for sharing!
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Sometimes how a person may look or the way a person may be in the beginning of a friendship, might not be attractive to us. But, the more we get to know that person for who they truly are, the more accepting we can be. You might even love that person. If you know a person’s morals don’t line up with who you are building yourself to be and causes you to be contrary, I would say: do not lower your standards
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I can see where that can be a problem. In the case you’ve desribed I would agree we shouldn’t lower our standards. Thanks for reading & sharing!
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Yes and every one should take care of their standards
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I do not let anyone use me. I realised family too can be like that.. So I kept quiet. It took me a few years but now I have courage to never lower my standards.
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Thanks for reading!
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We definitely have different perspective in life. My standards are absolutely not the same with the others. This is a good read Jay!
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Thank you!
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A lot of times in relationships we are looking for someone to fill the void that a past relationship has left in us and when the next person doesn’t do it, we turn them away. In turning them away we let our expectations of what they should do, allow for us miss out on what may have been a great thing. I’m saying that because it sounds good and it is true, but I myself can’t lower my expectations or standards. LOL. I’m too bull-headed.
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That is a great point you bring up. Many times we do let our past relationship interfere with current standards. Thanks for reading & sharing.
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No problem my G!
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Pingback: Should You Ever Lower Your Standards? – Be Happy & Healthy with Niki
Life can be so complex at times. While lowering your standards and/or expectations is not healthy, it is important to periodically stop to reflect and refine some of our practices and/or habits.
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Great insight thanks for sharing!
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I always considered standards and expectations are big ticket items: smoking, excessive drinking, drugs, religious differences, etc. Maybe instead of breaking up with someone because they’re not the typical person you date, give them a chance and see what happens. If humans don’t continue to adapt and change, eventually we’ll become extinct. It happens in nature everywhere.
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My expectations, I do not lower that.
My standards, yes. As I don’t want to fill this same classification of “she’s great BUT”, I shouldn’t try to expect people to always meet the standards I have listed.
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Great point!
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I love this!!! It’s funny because when I was planning out my blogs for this year, one of the blogs I want to write this year focuses on preferences vs standards. So it’s good to have read this from a male’s perspective. I enjoyed it and agree with the above.
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Thank you & you know what they say great minds think alike!
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Haha agreed.
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nice one
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Thank you!
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I think of the term ‘settling’ here. Someone told me, ‘ no, you don’t want to settle with the wrong person.’ And I countered, ‘ so then what? I settle for the right person? ‘ Very intriguing.
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I agree with that statement it just depends on the person, the timing and what exactly are we “settling” for. Thanks for reading!
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Good point. I’ve lowered my standards a few times, and it never worked out well. Standards seem forward facing, they’re about the person you’re dating. However, I’ve tweaked my expectations and found it helped my relationships.
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Great insight thanks for sharing!
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Having standards is okay but I think we are just unrealistic now a days. A lot of it is materialistic. People want their significant other to have a degree, make a certain amount of money, certain type of career, house, cars, etc etc . All that doesn’t even matter when it comes to a persons character. I’ve dated men that have had it all and treated me like crap , I’ve dated men making 40k a year that treated me like gold . I feel that now a days when we date we aren’t looking at how respectful a person is, how they are when they get angry, how they treat others , etc etc. we are so focused on what someone has and what they can do for us. It’s like having a contract . It’s not that deep. It’s okay for people to have careers and have the finer things in life but don’t let that be your only focus . But , we do live in a materialistic world and i don’t think it’ll ever change . So whatever works lol
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That’s an interesting point of view. I believe that standards are important in some aspects. Because if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything. However, I do agree that because a lot of people focus on the materialistic side of their standards it can sometimes cloud our vision when it comes to focusing on what’s important. Thanks for reading!
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Prinxy above says it so well, “Allow Your Standard to be used as a positive example to correct others……”. We are working daily on trying to walk this walk.
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I think there’s some logic to making expectations more realistic. If that means lowering them, then so be it. Personally, I’ve found that while I have never lowered expectations, I took a long hard look at what my real core values were. Once I identified those, I only considered those as deal makers or deal breakers. Everything else was negotiable. It’s made my life so much better.
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Our standards can often be so stringent that they are unrealistic. I advocate to leave room for humaness. I feel there are some things you may consider deal breakers but…are they really? One of my deal breakers was smoking. I didn’t want to date a guy that smoked. I met someone and guess what? He smoked. The reason I was able to deal with it was because we are in a long distance relationship and I didn’t have to “deal” with the smoke all the time. But about a year after we met, he quit. And we lived happily ever after lol
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Very true sometimes standards can hold us back at times. Thanks for reading!
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Maintaining your standards can be difficult especially when others around you have lowered theirs. Thanks for the post it was right on time.
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Thanks for reading!
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Well I think lowering your expectations while keeping your standards is the best thing to do. Higher expectations leads to more disappointments. Lower standards will get you into trouble. 🙂
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Great insight thanks for sharing!
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I totally agree with this post. People have to get out of the idea of earning love and feeling like others should earn their love.
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Very true. Thanks for reading!
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Yep! I believe people set their expectations too high and then feel they are “settling”. I had a friend who had a list of what her future partner had to have, including going to the gym daily!!! I mean WTH.. She lost a great guy who ticked most of the things. She is still single years later. How many guys are 6’4″ and looking to date a 5 foot girl.
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Standards are a great litmus test to filter what you want and what you don’t want. But it shouldn’t be the end all be all. When your standards start to sabotage your happiness then you may need to think about being more open to accepting the other persons flaws or inadequatcies just as they may need to accept and tolerate yours.
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I wouldn’t say that I’ve lowered my standards before, but I’ve had to really assess what’s truly important to me versus what I’m just being picky about. And I think that can change over time.
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You can have high standards and low expectations. I think having too high of a standard and too high of an expectation is what leaves people disappointed in certain situations.
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Great article! I’ve been told several times my standards and expectations are too high and I should lower them. I have for some things but the deal breakers…Nope!
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Standards and expectations are definitely different. And I think as far as lowering my standards, I think not. But expectations have definitely changed along the way.
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It all really depends on what our standards are based on. If our superficial desires are at the root of our standards, then my all means modify them as needed.
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My standard didn’t change, but I had to be realistic with my expectations. I went into my first relationship (young) focused on love. Love is amazing but you can put all of your eggs in that one basket. The second time around I got it right.
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When I was young I did lower my standards. After having my daughter, I upped the ante and got a great guy who has been my husband now for 17 years and counting.
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I think the issue is so many people set the wrong things as standards. Re-evaluate your values and what is really important to you. Everything else is just a matter of preference.
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It truly depends on what the situation is for me. The one exception is treatment of me and treatment of my children. I will never lower my expectations on that.
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I’m never a fan of anyone lowering their standards but we sometimes need to figure out what are things that are non-negotiables and things we could accept when it comes to our “list”. Great post!
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I absolutely love all your topics and blog Jay !! 🙂
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Thank you I really appreciate your kind words!
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I think that a lot of people expect to date a certain person, because that’s what they want. I’m not sure I would call it “lowering our standards” to date someone who isn’t what we expected. It’s just dating someone different, who isn’t what we expected. My recent partner is completely different from who I usually date and he’s the best partner and thing to has ever happened to me. I wouldn’t want him to think I’ve lowered my standard, just because he’s different from who I would usually date. It’s more dating outside the box =D Some of my friends could do that!lol
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I don’t like to think of it as “lowering standards” as much as “priorities change”. For example when you are younger, maybe it is important to you that your partner has a college degree because you have one and you want to be with someone who has the same drive as you and has been through similar experiences, and that’s fine, but maybe as you get older you start to realize that the degree isn’t as important as being with someone who can hold a conversation and be a good companion. Maybe that person has a great drive and is well put-together, but is lacking that college degree. It’s not so much that you “lowered your standards” but realized what you actually need in life is different than your original plan. There is nothing wrong with that. Now if you say I want a partner who is kind to me, and then you decide to settle for someone who beats you just because you don’t want to be alone, that can be a dangerous level to sink to. If it’s just a priority shift, that’s fine, but if it actually causes harm, that’s not ok!
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Great post. I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years (which is kind of insane because I’m only 19), and I’ve asked myself before whether or not I am settling. I suppose the truth is, many people have an idea of perfection inside of their head that may not be what they actually want/need in a partner. There are also many things that someone might have “standards” for, that are simply out of the control of their partner. I don’t think there is anything wrong with not loving someone’s appearance, but I could not imagine using that as a reason to end a special connection. As long as my partner is taking care of themselves, they can have imperfect skin, or crooked teeth, or a balding hairline. In the long run, our bodies are the most impermanent thing in our always changing lives, and you will likely never find someone who suits your ideal of “perfect” all the time. It’s about looking past the idealized versions, and seeing the reality of having a committed partner who loves you just the same. 🙂
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